The Power of Love

As sung by Huey Lewis and the News

The power of love is a curious thing
Make a one man weep, make another man sing
Change a hawk to a little white dove
More than a feeling thats the power of love

Tougher than diamonds, rich like cream
Stronger and harder than a bad girls dream
Make a bad one good make a wrong one right
Power of love that keeps you home at night

Chorus 1 :
You dont need money, dont take fame
Dont need no credit card to ride this train
Its strong and its sudden and its cruel sometimes
But it might just save your life
Thats the power of love
Thats the power of love

First time you feel it, it might make you sad
Next time you feel it it might make you mad
But youll be glad baby when youve found
Thats the power makes the world goround

Chorus 2 :
And it dont take money, dont take fame
Dont need no credit card to ride this train
Its strong and its sudden it can be cruel sometimes
But it might just save your life

They say that all in love is fair
Yeah, but you dont care
But you know what to do
When it gets hold of you
And with a little help from above
You feel the power of love
You feel the power of love
Can you feel it ?
Hmmm

Chorus 3 :
It dont take money and it dont take fame
Dont need no credit card to ride this train
Tougher than diamonds and stronger than steel
You wont feel nothin till you feel
You feel the power, just the power of love
Thats the power, thats the power of love
You feel the power of love
You feel the power of love
Feel the power of love



Love Heals

From the Broadway musical Rent

Life, a breath of midnight air
Like a lighthouse
Like a prayer
Like a flicker and the flare the sky reveals
Like a walk along the shore
That you’ve walked a thousand times before
Like the ocean’s roar
Love heals

There are those who shield their hearts
Those who quit before they start
Who’ve frozen up the part of them that feels
In the dark they’ve lost their sight
Like a ship without a star in the night
But hold on tight

Love heals
When you feel you can’t go on
Love heals
Hold on to love
It’ll keep you strong
Love heals
When you feel like you can’t go on
Love heals
Hold on to love
And it will bring you home

Love heals when pain’s too much to bear
When you reach out your hand
And only the wind is there
When life’s unfair
When things like us are not to be
Love heals when you feel so small
Like a grain of sand
Like nothing at all
When you look at sea
That’s where love will be
That’s where you’ll find me
You’ll find me

So if you fear the storm ahead
As you lie awake in bed
And there’s no one, no one to stroke your head
And your mind reels, your mind
Your mind reels
If your face is salty wet
And you’re drowning in regret
Just
Don’t forget
Don’t forget
Don’t forget
Don’t forget
It’s all right
Love heals

Caligula

Last week when I was doing research at the library on one of my latest projects I came across a person who was named Caligulus. I mentioned it to George, who was sitting at the table with me, and asked what kind of nut names their child Caligulus. Didn't they know who Caligula was? Hadn't they studied history?

I forgot about that conversation until last night when I was sitting out front of my apartment with my brother. We began talking about Attla the Hun and other military men. Caligula's name was reintroduced to me. I thought that was rather odd until I watched my free rental movie tonight.

Movie Gallery called me Monday to tell me that I had a free movie rental. I hadn't watched it and it was actually due on Thursday night. I'll pay the late fees - no problem. The movie is called "The Final Inquiry". It's about the Emperor of Rome sending a soldier named Titus Valarius Taurus to Jerusalem to find out the truth about Jesus of Nazareth. It's my kind of movie. When asked why he sent Titus on a fool's errand, the emperor answered by saying that Titus was a very proud man, an analytical man who would not rest until he found the truth.

I found myself hoping that Titus would find all the truth he sought even with all the deception and treachery that was around him. In the end I think he did find the truth. He found The Way.

At the end of the movie there was Caligula. He assassinated his uncle and sent out a death warrant on Titus Valerius Taurus who had become one of Jesus' followers. I can't help but see some synchronicity in all this about Caligula. I'm just not sure why his name kept being brought to my attention except that I was meant to see this movie.

The past few days have been rather odd. I've felt like reality wasn't all it was cracked up to be, like maybe I was walking in a daze and seeing things through a fog. I didn't feel crazy but I wondered about the meaning behind the things I was experiencing. It would take a while to explain all of this. Thankfully I have a therapy session coming up on Tuesday.

Somehow I feel that there is another huge change coming. It's spiritual in nature and will involve a lot of faith. I'm not sure where the change is coming from. Maybe it's an internal thing for me alone or maybe there will be others involved. Who knows? Maybe I'm in line for a wonderful spiritual awakening. All I know is that I am finally at peace. I don't have all that I want but I have what I need. I'm not blissfully happy but I'm content. I still get lonely but I know that I'm never alone. I know it doesn't make sense but it is how I feel.

I listened to the opening song from "Rent" today as I drove around in my old black truck. I still can't believe I'm back behind the wheel of that truck and that the white one sits in the parking lot a wreck. At any rate the opening song has always spoke to me. Today the message was a little different. I think it goes hand in hand with the book I bought recently called "The Last Lecture". It's time to decide who I am and what is really important in life. I think I'm getting closer to knowing.

It's been a long day. I was short handed today but it was good for us. We each had to step up to get things done. I don't think Kim realized how much I did during the day until Jennifer was absent. She may still not see the relivance of my job. Who knows? Who cares?

I didn't mean to upset the principal this afternoon but apparently I did. She was offended by my plea for help for tomorrow morning. She had not known that I was shorthanded today. She called me this afternoon when I got home and let me know that she was upset with my comment. I had been told that Jennifer had called her. I just assumed that she couldn't get a sub. I wasn't upset. I was just trying to cover bases for tomorrow morning because I will be at a meeting at the central office.

At any rate I sent an amends via e-mail to her. She's been so good to me that I don't want to have offended her.

That having been said I kept thinking of my personal life, or lack there of, and tried to find a song to sum it up. Having not found one I decided to do one that reflected what I used to be like in relationships. I think my behavior before could have been classified as a stalker. I had to know where the object of my affections was at every minute of the day. I drove Joey crazy with that. I am definitely not anything like that now.


Obsession

As sung by Animotion

You are an obsession, I cannot sleep
I am a possession unopened at your feet
There is no balance, no equality
Be still I will not accept defeat

I will have you, yes I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly
I will collect you and capture you

You are an obsession, you're my obsession
Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me
(x2)

I feed you, I drink you by day and by night
I need you, I need you by sun or candlelight
You protest, you want to leave
You say there's no alternative

Your face appears again, I see the beauty there
But I see danger, stranger beware
A circumstance in your naked dreams
Your affection is not what it seems

You are an obsession, you're my obsession
Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me
(x2)

My fantasy has turned to madness
All my goodness has turned to badness
My need to possess you has consumed my soul
My life is trembling, I have no control

I will have you, yes I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly
I will collect you and capture you

You are an obsession, you're my obsession
Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me
(x2 an fade)

Apparently I have gotten off track and need to be reminded that God is Love. I needed to be reminded that He is me and everyone else. I needed to remember to keep looking for Him in myself and everyone I encounter. I needed to be reminded that my strength comes from Him. He is all I need. I don't need to know everything. He has all the answers.

PATHWAYS OF LIGHT
ACIM WORKBOOK LESSON
HEALING PERSPECTIVES

==========================================================
Lesson 47:
"God is the strength in which I trust."
==========================================================

Remembering that God is the strength in which I trust is the same as putting my trust in Reality instead of illusions. Illusions are unstable and constantly change. God is eternal and changeless. Placing my trust in a world of illusions is like placing my trust in quicksand. It will always fail. God is the only place of real trust. Only God is invulnerable. Only God can be relied upon in every situation. We all have our foundation in God. God is the Tree of real, everlasting Life. Trusting in anything but God is just a silly idea.

God, I hand over every concern to You. Only in You is there true meaning. Returning to Love is my one function. Extending Love is my only joy. This is my strength. This is my security. This where my true happiness lies. I cannot do anything on my own, for on my own I am nothing. "God is the strength in which I trust."

This lesson speaks to us as we perceive ourselves in this world -- as separate, alone, weak and with every reason to apprehensive and fearful because we trust in the "strength" of this limited self. But if we look at the lesson as a whole, it is clear that Jesus does not see this as the truth about us. The strength of God is in us because God is in our mind, as we learned in an earlier lesson. The peace of God is there to be found in us because God is in our mind. It is only our belief in a
false image of ourselves as alone and separate from God that leads us to feel weak, apprehensive, fearful and out of control. It is this false image that leads us to feel we must defend ourselves.

Remembering that God is in our mind can help us remember that God's strength is ours. Love's strength is ours. If only Love is real, which the Course tells us in the introduction to the Text, then harm is impossible. There can be nothing to fear.

There is another aspect of this lesson that is very important to me. Not only does it assure me that I can trust in the strength of Love, but it assures me that I can rely on this Love to guide me in every aspect of my doing. It is another way of assuring me that I am never alone. I have everything I need to safely and lovingly move through every situation, harmlessly and in perfect peace. I need only place my trust in Love, in God. Love is the strength in which I trust.

My son was expressing to me the uncertainty he feels about everything in life. There seems always to be more than one way to judge everything and how do you know what to believe and what is the best way to act on it. He said that he can't feel certain about anything and that he realizes he doesn't know anything. He was feeling like he was standing over an abyss with no bridge, no net under him.

I congratulated him on reaching a Truth at age 17 most people don't reach for many years in their life, if ever. I assured him the answers were there in him and that realizing his ego didn't have the answers made it possible to get there. Today's lesson was great place to continue our conversation.

I find it a great relief to be able to let go of any residual in my belief that I have the answers and that I can successfully act on my own. It is a comfort to know that I don't have to, and that I have the strength of God within me. I am not left to flounder on my own, but have certain direction that I can't lose because it is in me.

Last year I mourned the loss of my family unit as I knew it. I could see the end so clearly and yet I was mourning them while they (Mom and Barry) still lived. I wasn't taking the time to enjoy what little time we had left together.

Truthfully I couldn't enjoy the time because I had gotten sick again. I had lost myself and I needed to isolate in order to lick my wounds. I walked through many valleys and met my Higher Power. I was no longer running from Him. I was running to Him.

As I await the assistive living situation to open up for Mom, I find myself playing the part of mother to my own parent. I've never given birth. Yet here I am with a child to care for. In many ways she has disrupted my life. In other ways she's brought clarity to it.

This year I went to the theater to see The Bucket List. I enjoyed the movie and it's theme yet I did not apply it to me. A few days ago I bought the book The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I haven't finished reading it and already I see the correlation to the movie and my own life situation. It's not about hurrying through life to get in as many experiences as you can. It's about deciding what's important and doing it.

Words from my perpetual calendar:

Don't go planting seeds of doubt,
then expect a harvest of confidence.

It's hard to stay optimistic with all this stuff going on around me. There is very little left to move at Mom's house for Barry. I think the room that needs the most cleaning is the bathroom. We'll be wrapping it up for Barry this weekend. All that will be left are Mom's things to move when she goes to assistive living. I wish we had storage for her stuff now. I'd go on and move it.

It's been an emotional day. I've had to deal with drama around here after getting almost no sleep. I lost my temper today and then promptly had a good cry.

I need for the Medicaid Waiver services to kick in for Mom. She's falling in the night. It scares me so badly. But I need to get her taken care of so that I can concentrate on my brother. He needs help in this big transition.

To tell you the truth I need a lot of help myself. I need a break from my family. All of this is beginning to get to me.

God help me but I finally think I know who and what I want. I may have to walk away from this right now before I get really hurt. I don't think my heart can take another round of flip flopping.

Right now I just need to focus on the things in front of me- Mom's placement in assistive living, my job and transportation. As much as I'd like to be in this relationship with both feet I'm afraid. I need to hear what he wants from me and I need to hear it very soon. I can't have the flirtation any more.

That’s bad. No, that’s good.

There is an old Hee Haw skit that Archie Campbell and Roy Clark used to do that has come to mind recently.

Roy: How’re you doin’, Arch?

Archie: Not too good. I stubbed my toe yesterday while walkin’ on the beach.

Roy: That’s bad.

Archie: No, that’s good.

Roy: How’s that?

Archie: I stubbed it on this old metal treasure chest filled full of money.

Roy: That’s good.

Archie: No, that’s bad. It was a metal security box that someone stole from the bank. When I opened it an ink bomb went off. I got red dye all over me.

Roy: That’s bad.

Archie: No, that’s good. When I took it into the police station they took one look at me and knew I wasn’t the robber. I didn’t fit the description. There was a $1000 reward!

Roy: That’s good.

Archie: No, that’s bad. Just as I was walking out of the police station a gust of wind came up and blew my reward away.

Roy: That’s bad.

Archie: No, that’s good. A gorgeous creature happened to step out of the building after me and I was consoled for my loss by a kiss.

Roy: That’s good.

Archie: No, that’s bad. Turned out to have a huge professional wrestle as a spouse who was jealous. He stepped out of the building right as she was kissing me and he hollered out that he’d kill me and began running at me.

Roy: That’s bad.

Archie: No, that’s good. He tripped over the rug in his haste and I got away. Made me kind of look at things in perspective. I may have bad luck but I’ve still got my health.


There in a nutshell is my life, folks. I think I could write a book.

It's been a wild weekend with my mother. I see a lot of dementia. I really need a break from her.

As I was doing some of my errands today, I found myself thinking of a song that was sung in Linda's church about this time last year while I was visiting her. I thought I had gotten the lyrics for my journal but I hadn't. So I went searching for them again. Not sure why it popped into my head accept that maybe it's a reminder to "Let Go and Let God."

Come hell or high water I've got to make it to Trussville next weekend to support her. I'm her temporary sponsor and I should be there. I've got a baby sitter for Mom. I just need a ride or to get my truck ready for the drive.

GLORY GLORY (HALLELUJAH) (SINCE I LAID MY BURDEN DOWN)
Traditional Negro Spiritual

REFRAIN:
Glory glory, hallelujah
Since I lay my burden down
Glory glory, hallelujah
Since I lay my burden down
Glory glory, hallelujah
Since I lay my burden down
Glory glory, hallelujah
Since I lay my burden down

All my sickness will be over
When I lay my burden down
All my sickness will be over
When I lay my burden down

All my troubles will be over
When I lay my burden down
All my troubles will be over
When I lay my burden down

Lord, I'm feeling so much better
Since I lay my burden down
Lord, I'm feeling so much better
Since I lay my burden down


ALTERNATE STYLE FOR REFRAIN:
Glory glory, (Glory glory!) hallelujah (hallelujah!)
Since I lay (Since I lay) my burden down (my burden down!)
Glory glory, (Glory glory!) hallelujah (hallelujah!)
Since I lay (Since I lay) my burden down (my burden down!)
Glory glory, (Glory glory!) hallelujah (hallelujah!)
Since I lay (Since I lay) my burden down (my burden down!)
Glory glory, (Glory glory!) hallelujah (hallelujah!)
Since I lay (Since I lay) my burden down (my burden down!)

Rescue Me

As sung by Aretha Franklin

Rescue me
Oh take me in your arms
Rescue me
I want your tender charms
'Coz I'm lonely and I'm blue
I need you and your love too

Come on and rescue me
Come on baby and rescue me
Come on baby and rescue me
'Coz I need you, by my side
Can't you see that I'm lonely
Rescue me

Come on and take my heart
Take your love and conquer every part
'Coz I'm lonely and I'm blue
I need you and your love too

Come on and rescue me
Come on baby and rescue me
Come on baby and rescue me
'Coz I need you by my side
Can't you see that I'm lonely

Rescue me
Oh take me in your arms
Rescue me
I want your tender charms
'Coz I'm lonely and I'm blue
I need you and your love too
Come on and rescue me
Come on baby, take me baby, hold me baby, love me baby
Can't you see that I need you baby
Can't you see that I'm lonely
Rescue me

Come on and take my hand
Come on baby and be my man
Cuz I love you cuz I want you
Can't you see that I'm lonely?
take me baby
love me baby
need me baby
Can't you see that I'm lonely?

rescue me, rescue me.......


I just finished watching an episode of Joan of Arcadia. The theme throughout the episode was rape and how close it hits each family. Joan's mother had been raped while in college. Her pain came through in her art work which Joan tried to sell in a yard sale. It was as if someone needed to throw her a life line. The pain was still there and very real.

It's ironic. I had voiced to the paradox that I needed rescuing from my family next weekend because my mother's driving me nuts. But it's more than that- I want to get away from my neighbors. It's really sweet to have nice neighbors and a family environment but these people are beginning to wear on my nerves. I want to be able to sit in my own home oblivious to what is going on next door while being invisible myself. It's called privacy! I also really want to go hear Linda tell her story but my truck isn't driveable at that distance. I asked him if he'd rescue me and let me pay the gas expenses down there. I'm not looking for romance. I really do just want to be able to support my friend but it would give me a chance to get to know him better as well. He thinks I don't talk much- boy, do I have him fooled.

Well, I've come full circle. I have my black truck back. It is the first vehicle that I ever owned brand new off the car lot. It was the one I got when I got married. Joey trashed it while he was here. It quit running two years ago. It has sat on the lot at Gibson Brothers for almost that long. While it was in their possession it was trashed pretty badly, including having something burned in the back of it, and someone took the knobs off of my stereo system but the stereo was still in tact. What blew my mind is that it was in tact with the recovery CD that Ellen Kelley made for me a few years back still in it. I don't believe in coincidence so I wonder what this means for me.

I'm waiting to see what else will turn up wrong with my truck. Every time Gibson gets it to work on it falls apart soon after I take it home. It's just a matter of time. Hate to be pesamistic. But it's the truth. I no longer have tags on it. I'll have to get tags before I drive around too much.

I'm being pulled in all directions. Mom is getting a little antsy about the assistive living situation. I have no control over the rate that people process paperwork. Yes, she is getting on my nerves and cramping my style but she is my mother and I feel responsible. I guess this is part of my amends to her. Financially I can't take another crisis on her part. Hopefully she will get placed somewhere soon.

Thank God for recovery! That's all I've got to say about all the things going on around me.

I'm so frustrated. I feel like I'm a piece of taffy in a taffy pull. I'm being pulled in every direction. I want to get all the paper work finalized on Mom and get her moved before the electricity is turned off at the house. I could get it cleaned before the state stepped in. I'd also like to get the rest of Barry's things out of there. Someone broke in a few days ago and I have no idea what is missing. Thankfully the bulk of his stuff had been moved.

I'm frustrated because I no longer have a vehicle but I'm working on that. I'm frustrated because I have a not so dependable person helping get things moved but she's all I've got. I have a very bad feeling about this. Wish I could find someone to help me get the last little bit done so that I did not have to rely so heavily on Barbara.

School is going well. Schedules continue to be tweaked. But I'll roll with the punches on that. I'm extremely grateful for Dawn. What would I have done without her? But like Dawn, I've been waiting on the other shoe to drop. I think it did today. Southside is now a targeted school due to TCAP scores. At first the regular education teachers thought it was because of my CDC class but my scores were in the proficient range. It's the resource kids. They need to be ability grouped and the teaching methods need to change just a tad. The wierd thing about this situation is that I do know a few techniques that would work if others would listen. I tried to give them a hint by telling him on the first day of general sessions that we need to start thinking outside the box.

I'm not sure about anything else other than I really do need a bipap machine. I had a rough night last night.

I'm oxygen deprived. The bi-pap machine went kaput last Sunday. I almost nodded off while working at the library. I also had trouble staying alert during church this morning.

Linda's fussing at me. She's afraid I'll get sick again. I've called all the places I know to call. I can get a replacement machine for $200 down and then they'll turn it over to insurance. I can't figure out why insurance is being left out of the loop from the get go. I have to more options that I haven't tried yet. I'll be calling them tomorrow.

I'm working on getting the old truck fixed. It's actually in better shape than the one I totalled. I can't stand being without transportation. A lot of good things have come out of this but it's also giving me the feeling of being utterly powerless. I hate this feeling. It puts me right back at step one.

Still trying to hitch a ride with someone to hear Linda speak on the 23rd. I want to be there to support her. She's without a sponsor right now. The paradox says not to count on him but then asks when it is. Elyce tells me not to count her out but she seldom fulfills any promises that she makes. Marian has no interest in going. If I should get a vehicle up and running I could drive myself.

Life. Can it get any better?

That was a little sarcastic of me. Sorry. I'm actually at a good place right now. I'm grateful for all the new acquaintances that I'm making and the help I'm getting. I'm just a little frustrated that I have no control over anything. Actually that's not quite right. I do have control over my classroom and it's actually running more smoothly.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Life is a series of letting go's - an "infinite" series of letting go's. All things in life are given us on loan. . . . Once we have learned to let go, we are prepared for whatever life gives us. And death itself is nothing to be feared.
--Matthew Fox

For many years, I resisted the concept of letting go. I resisted mostly because I didn't understand what people were talking about. I'd be loudly obsessing about something. "Just let go," they'd say. "Okay," I'd say. Then I'd walk away and wonder what they meant, and mostly how to do it. Soon, I caught on.

Letting go is a behavior we can practice each day, whatever the circumstances in our lives. It's a behavior that benefits relationships we want to work. It's a helpful behavior in insane relationships, too. It's a useful tool to use when we really want to bring something or someone into our lives, and in accomplishing our goals. It's a helpful tool to use on outdated behaviors such as low self-esteem and manipulation.

Letting go takes the emotional charge, the drama, out of things and restores us to a sense of balance, peace, and spiritual power.

Letting go works well on the past and the future. It brings us into today.

Paraphrasing the mystic writer Matthew Fox, everything that comes, comes to pass. Demystify letting go. It's not as complicated as it sounds. Learning the art of letting go really means learning to calmly let things be.

God, help me learn to let go.
From: More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie


All I can say after this reading is, "Amen."

Today we had most of our schedule in place at school. I think it ran like clock work. I'm pleased to say we have a different kind of class this year. I'm not sure what the others think but as for me, I no longer dread going to work.

I really miss having transportation. I'm the strong (okay, not so strong) independent (deeply independent) type. I hate asking for help.

On the other hand I'm really bonding with Dawn Luggart, one of the other special education teachers at school. I had to ride with another teacher yesterday and I can tell you that it was definitely not the same. I wound up comparing my insides to what I saw of Donna Bain's outside life. I felt very inadequate. Not a good feeling.

School is different this year. It's much like stepping into a familiar fairy tale but not really knowing which character I'm supposed to be. Sometimes I feel like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. At other times I feel like Cinderella who has been locked in a room to keep her from going to the ball. It's kind of hard to explain actually. I know everything is real and will be okay but it feel like an alternate reality.

My bi-pap machine quit working on Sunday. So far I am not sleep deprived but I have been in the process of getting a new machine. I'm told I have to pay $200 up front. Well, pay day isn't until the 20th. We'll see how sleep deprived I am by then.

Trying to figure out how I'm going to get to Birmingham to hear Linda give her talk for the first time. I've tried several routes. None are solid. Surely something or someone will spring forth by the 23rd.

JUST A CLOSER WALK WITH THEE


I am weak, but Thou art strong;
Jesus, keep me from all wrong;
I'll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Precious Jesus, hear my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

Through this world of toil and snares,
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Precious Jesus, hear my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

When my feeble life is o'er,
Time for me will be no more;
Guide me gently, safely o'er
To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Precious Jesus, hear my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

Words by Unknown
Music from a traditional folk song "Closer Walk"


As we were about to move Barry this morning the first stanza to this song came to me and I could not remember the rest of the words. It's ironic that Mom's "let it be" is in the chorus.

Barry had a few melt down moments today because things were not going perfect. It took all I had in me to keep from yelling back at him. My nerves were frayed from worrying over getting him moved. I could not let myself fall apart when D-Day had arrived.

Mom and I went down to his new apartment while he napped and did a few things for him. We hung up some of his clothes in the closet and got one bed put together for him to sleep in tonight. He's got time to get the place put together. His telephone and cable will be hooked up on Monday. Until then he'll be watching TV with Mom and me. Barbara is giving him a recliner. He'll get another piece of furniture when Mikki moves out in two weeks. His payee will have to buy him a new box springs for one of the beds. Hopefully I can convince him to let Mom have the full size bed any way. That would be only one item that the payee would have to purchase for Mom. Then Barry could get a day bed or something for his guest bedroom.

I have the china cabinet that Dad made in my living room now! Yay! I've always loved that old thing. I cleaned it up and put out some of my pieces mixed in with Mom's and Grandmother's. It looks beautiful. As soon as the dust settles around here I'm going to rearrange my living room to make more floor space. Right now I'm junked up with Mom's stuff.

Last night Elyce informed me that she was going to drive down here next weekend to visit with me. I'm shocked. I haven't seen Nefertiti in four years. I can't think what the ocassion might be to bring her here. We'll see what happens.

I'm tired and if I had somewhere to lay down and take a nap I would. Mom's got the couch and Barry's got my bed.

Tomorrow is D-Day. Barry will be moved into his new apartment for better or worse. It will be the first time he's ever lived on his own. But he will be two doors down from me so that I can watch over him.

I'm kind of looking forward to having him here. He's the one person in the whole world who knows what it was like to grow up in my family. It was just he and I. we share a lot of family secrets.