Teacher

As sung by George Michaels

I've had enough of danger
People on the streets
I'm looking out for Angels
Just tryin' to find some peace
I think it's time
That you let me know
So if you love me,say you love me
But if you don't just let me go

'Cuz teacher, there are things that I don't want to learn
And the last one I had made me cry
So I don't wanna learn to hold you,touch you
I think that you're mine
Becuz there ain't no joy
For an uptown boy
Whose teacher has told him Good bye..Goodbye...Goodbye

When you were just a stranger
And I was at your feet
I didn't feel the danger
Now I feel the heat
That look in your eyes
Tellin' me no
So you think that you love me
Know that you need me
I wrote this song,I know it's wrong,Just let me go

Teacher, there are things that I don't want to learn
And the last one I had made me cry
So I don't wanna learn to hold you,touch you
I think that you're mine
'Cuz there ain't no joy
For an uptown boy
Whose teacher has told him Goodbye

So when you say that you need me
That you'll never leave me
I know your wrong,your not that strong
Let me go

Teacher, there are things that I still have to learn
But the one thing I have
Is my pride

Oh so I don't wanna learn to hold you,touch you
I think that you're mine
Becuz there ain't no joy
For an uptown boy
Who just isn't willing to try

I'm so cold inside
Maybe Just one more try



This morning I heard this song among many that spoke to me. My feeling for the past few weeks has been one of regret- not of things I've done or said but of things that never were. Call it unrequited love or whatever. The root of the problem was, and always seems to be, fear.

I was in my thirties when I finally got married and I chose someone who was not physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally there for me. I actually "saw" the verbal abuse before it came. It's so heart breaking when you see something coming before it gets here and you hope that you are wrong. At any rate it makes me not want to dive into the pool again. Shoot, I don't even want to stick my foot in to test the waters!

Fear. There's only so much verbal abuse a person can take. And it's not just with the love relationships- it's with all of them. I had a rough patch on my job last year. I have no idea what prompted the humiliating comments as I was the same person I'd always been. All I know is suddenly I was the target again. It gets old.

In the book Return to Love, I learned that everyone I encounter is a potential teacher. So, it kind of makes sense that I choose this George Michael song this morning.

Love Heals

from the Broadway musical Rent

[Maureen]
Like a breath from midnight air
Like a lighthouse, like a prayer

[Angel]
Like a flicker and a flare,
the sky reveals

[Both]
Like a walk along the shore
that you've walked a thousand times before
Like the ocean's roar

[Maureen]
Love heals

[All]
Ooooooh

[Joanne]
There are those who shield their hearts
and those who quit before they start

[Roger]
Who've frozen up the part of them that feels

[All]
Don't freeze your heart

[Roger & Joanne]
In the dark,
they've lost their sight
Like a ship without a star in the night,
but hold on tight

[All]
Love heals

[Joanne]
When you feel like you can't go on

[All]
Love heals

[Joanne]
Hold on to love, it'll keep you strong

[All]
Love heals

[Joanne]
When you feel like you can't go on

[Collins]
Feel you can't go on

[All]
Love heals

[Collins]
Hold onto love,
it'll bring you home

[Maureen & Benny]
Love heals when pain's too much to bear.
When you reach out your hand,
and only the wind is there

[Mimi & Mark]
When life's unfair,
when things like us are not to be

[Maureen & Benny]
Love heals when you feel so small
Like a grain of sand,
like nothing at all

[Joanne & Collins]
When you look out at the sea,
that's where love will be.
That's where you'll find me,
you'll find me

[Joanne]
So if you fear the storm ahead

[Maureen]
As you lie awake in bed
There's no one

[Joanne]
No one to hold your hand

[Maureen]
And your mind

[Joanne]
Your mind

[Both]
Your mind reels

[Mimi]
If your face is salty wet,
and you're drowning in regret,
Just

[All]
Don't forget
Don't forget
Don't forget
Don't forget

[Collins]
Love will lead you home

[Joanne]
Keep in song

[Maureen]
Keep it in your heart, baby

[All]
Love heals

[Collins]
When you feel like you can't go on

[All]
Love heals

[Collins]
Love,
love's gonna carry you on

[All]
Love heals

[Collins]
When you feel like,
when you feel like you can't go on

[All]
Love heals.

[Collins]
Oh, I'm telling you,
it will lead you home

[All]
Love heals


I pray this next year will be one of healing and a chance to step out into the world without fear. I pray this for myself and everyone else who may have experienced the same things that I have.

Ah, Christmas! The time to celebrate the birth of our savior. The time for peace on Earth, good will toward men. If only this feeling of joy and serenity could last longer than the time it takes to open presents. I think Christmas has become too commercial. Here I am with my family- my mother and my brother- and all I can think of is that I will be glad when Christmas is over. My brother has more to complain about than I believe is humanly possible and in my mother's attempt to calm him down, she only makes his mood worse. Thankfully, my brother will go home on Monday. Then Mom and I can get back to business as normal. Whatever normal might be these days.

I'm supposed to go down to Linda's for New Year's but I really wish that I could have a week or more to recover from my Christmas. It will take me a while to clean up the mess and recoup my financial situation.

Ah, Christmas! Wish the meaning was more clear and people could just be grateful to be together. We spend too much and in these times that's not a good thing. Christmas should not come at a price. It should be a time of peaceful worship and gathering together for that common cause.

Perhaps there is hope yet that things will turn around and we will become a more grateful, spiritual people.

Here is the poem that sprang to mind this Christmas. Somehow I thought it said something else. But maybe it sums us how I feel after all.

THE WORLD IS TOO MUCH WITH US; LATE AND SOON

THE world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
The Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.

William Wordsworth

Peace On Earth - Little Drummer Boy
David Bowie featuring Bing Crosby

(db) = David Bowie
(bc) = Bing Crosby

(both)

Come they told me
pa rum pum pum pum
A new born king to see
pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring
pa rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum

(bc #1)

Come they told me
pa rum pum pum pum
A new born king to see
pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring
pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the king
pa rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum
rum pum pum pum
So to honor him
pa rum pum pum pum
when we come

(db #1)

Peace on earth, can it be
Years from now, perhaps we'll see
See the day of glory
See the day, when men of good will
Live in peace, live in peace again
Peace on earth, can it be

(both)

Every child must be made aware
Every child must be made to care
Care enough for his fellow man
To give all the love that he can

(bc #2)

Little baby
pa rum pum pum pum
I stood beside of them
pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for him
pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for him
pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum
Then he smiled at me
pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum

(db #2)

I pray my wish will come true
For my child and your child too
He'll see the day of glory
See the day when men of good will
Live in peace, live in peace again
Peace on earth, can it be

(both)
Can it be



I think the David Bowie part from Peace on Earth could be sung year round these days. Peace is in short supply in various parts of the world.

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need


I've always liked the song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Rolling Stones but I've never listened beyond the chorus, mainly because I find Mick Jagger so hard to understand sometimes.

Anyway the song popped into my head this morning as I was doing my little errands and chores around the apartment. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking about before then but suffice it to say, I am pretty content even grateful for what I have. My needs are pretty well met.

I've done a more intense inventory of myself lately. Apparently I have been living a lie. I was in the wrong line of work for 20 years. I'm an introvert who was attempting to be an extrovert. The best time in my work career actually came while I was amid the chaos of an alcoholic marriage. I threw myself under the bus and dared it to run over me!

I realize how happy I am to write. I have loved doing the research on the books I've worked on for the Giles County Historical Society. The WWI book is on sale now and although I will not profit from it, I am extremely proud of this first attempt at writing. Currently I am finishing up one on WWII. Now, these books are not just about the veterans who fought or even the horrors of war itself, they are about the people who lived through those times- our ancestors. They are about people like us who learn to cope, survive, thrive, etc. If I could make a living at writing, I'd be the happiest woman alive. But my books will most likely never see the hands of an esteemed publisher. And, believe it or not, I'm okay with that. It's not about the end result. It's about the process, the journey.

I'm still among the ranks of the unemployed. I have received an extension on my unemployment check. I'd rather have a job but there aren't any at the present. I've signed up for the stimulous money for college. I hope to learn that I will receive some. But in the meantime, I've also filled out paper work for financial aid. I'm going to take courses online from American Public University. I'm working on a Master's in History with a practicum option. At the end of my studies I should be able to get a job doing something I love. At any rate I hope so.

I just finished watching the movie Julie and Julia. It was great! I came in here to the computer afterwards just to see if that blog actually existed. Wow! Julie Powell actually worked her way through Julia Child's cook book. I think my mother once had that book. Not sure where it got off to after we moved her into assisted living. But I do remember seeing that book among her cook books.

Tomorrow I will be going to Lawrenceburg to an Al-Anon meeting with my sponsor. I'm taking the Christmas present I have for her with me. Afterwards I'll be visiting with Mom and trying to figure out what is wrong with her telephone. Perhaps we will be able to get her payee on the telephone and see if the bill was paid. Then, I've got to take the truck to have the oil changed and the antifreeze looked at. It's making a terrible racket and the gages are going all weird. Hey, I know nothing about trucks, but I do know a weird sound when I hear it.

59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)

As sung by Simon and Garfunkel

Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy.

Ba da, Ba da, Ba da, Ba da...Feelin' Groovy.

Hello lamp-post,
What cha knowin'?
I've come to watch your flowers growin'.
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in' doo-doo,
Feelin' groovy.

I've got no deeds to do,
No promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me.
Life, I love you,
All is groovy.


I am totally unsure of why this song came to me right now. I was watching David Tutera plan a wedding and out came this song in my head. What does it mean to "feel groovy?" Is it the same as feeling at peace?

I'm not sure what to think these days. To tell you the truth I spend more time feeling than I do thinking. I'm at peace. And that's hard to believe because I'm without a job and have no prospects of one on the horizon. I received my last unemployment check this week and I'm hoping I qualify for an extension.

I saw an old recovery buddy of mine on Monday and I told her that am doing better right now than I ever was while I worked. I think it's because I've simplified so many things in my life.

All I know is that I feel like I've finally achieved serenity- the peace that surpasses all understanding. It doesn't really matter to me how I got it, I'm so so happy to be there. You know what I mean?