Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Sometimes two minuses make a plus.
--Edith Shannon

What appears to be a problem sometimes turns out to be a most beneficial circumstance. We live only in the present, and it generally takes the perspective of hindsight to get the full meaning of an event. Over the years, we have learned that some of our best lessons actually caused us pain while we were in their clutches. What a relief to be able to see, now, that they had their silver lining. This principle still holds true.

We have had a lot of years to learn to take our experiences in stride, giving them no more weight than they deserve. But it's easy to forget that it's the accumulation of them all that defines who we are. The lost jobs, the friends who left, the hurdles in a marriage all played their part in the people we've become today. We are who we need to be right now.

I can't let a setback set me back today. I am evolving right on schedule.
From: Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey


I went to see Mom yesterday. She looked better. Barry didn't go with me as he was napping on my couch.

I've been thinking about this family stuff. It occurred to me that, in true Chapman fashion, my aunts and uncle were more interested in me covering up my family's problems rather than actually helping them. In other words, as long as they didn't have to do anything or hear about it, they were okay. It's sad really. But I had to step completely out of the picture, let Mom hit bottom before any services came.
According to today's reading this horrible experience that nearly ran me out of my mind, is a blessing in disguise. Hope it shows itself soon.

Today is filled with activity. Picking up a paycheck. Got to beat written checks to the bank before the bounce sky high. Taking cats to vet. Bug bombing apartment for fleas. Going to Brentwood to shop for New Balance shoes for myself and Mom. Going to the book store to buy children's books to complete door prizes for upcoming workshop. Taking Barry to lunch. And that's just in the hours before 1:00. After I return home I've got a mountain of laundry to do. I won't get in to see Mom until 6:00 tonight. Hopefully she will remember that I told her that.

Mom's in the hospital. She was admitted on Friday. Both Dr. Graves and Dr. Burger felt it necessary to run some tests on her. She had become increasingly confused and disoriented. Hopefully they will discover what is wrong with her- whether it's her medication or something else.

In the mean time, I have inherited my brother. He's pretty good company actually and is easily entertained. He was content to nap yesterday and watch TV. He had lost a lot of sleep worrying over Mom. I'm going to try to keep him entertained while she's in the hospital but I rather doubt that he will be content to stay here the whole time.

ANYWAY

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway!
If you do good, people will accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway!
If you are successful, you will win
false friends and enemies.
Succeed anyway!
The good you do will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway!
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway!
What you spend years building may be
destroyed overnight.
Build anyway!
People really need help
but may attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway!
Give the world the best you have
and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway!

Written by: Mother Teresa

Last night I watched "Happy Feet" with Mikki. I learned a lot of things about penguins that may or may not be true. The main thing that I learned was this concept of a heart song. All the songs in the movie were from my generation and that was pretty cool. But the one song that stood out was the one sung by the character Gloria. It was Queen's "Somebody to Love". I'm not so sure that this is my heart song but it brought back memories.

Somebody to Love

As sung by Queen

Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you're doing to me
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can't get no relief,
Lord!
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard every day of my life
I work till I ache my bones
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own -
I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord - somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me - somebody to love?

(he works hard)

Everyday - I try and I try and I try -
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm goin crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe
Yeah - yeah yeah yeah

Oh Lord
Somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I'm ok, I'm alright
Ain't gonna face no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!

Find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I don't know there was something about the song and the story line of the movie that gave me a little hope.

I'm dealing with mental illness up close and personal these days. Mom's not been taking her medication properly but I think we've got something else going on here. I really don't have the tools to help in this situation. I'm doing well to take care of me. But I can love and accept my mother.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
--Kahlil Gibran

Love doesn't demand; love compromises. It doesn't possess; it frees. Love doesn't gloat; it praises. Love makes friends of strangers. It softens our rough edges and strengthens our assets. Knowing we're loved inspires us and invites forth our best effort. Offering our love humbles us and cultivates an inner joy.

Never, in the name of love, should we direct another person's life, but instead let's celebrate the choices made by someone dear, even when they run counter to our own desires. We are each blessed with a destiny, unique and necessary to the others in our lives. We must be allowed to travel our paths to fulfillment.

Let's free one another and know real love.

From: Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

In life, the difficult periods are the best periods to gain experience and shore up determination. As a result, my mental status is much improved because of them.
--The Dalai Lama

Life is a process of meeting and solving problems. Solving problems is a way that we test and develop our spiritual muscle. Think of outstanding people such as Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, and Helen Keller. Lincoln faced the problem of a divided country; Gandhi, an oppressed India; Keller, her personal handicaps. In rising to meet their vision, courage, fortitude, and compassion, they became great -- not in spite of, but because of their problems.

Problems often come to us in the form of crisis. The Chinese glyph for the word crisis contains two symbols; one means danger and the other opportunity. When an obstacle is before you, use it to create a beneficial result. As with Lincoln, Gandhi, and Keller, let your problems bring out your greatness.

Rather than pray for a life that is problem-free, ask for one that is solution-full. Instead of requesting that God remove the mountain before you, seek the strength to climb it. Remember that the best students always get the toughest problems. Love the problems you have, and their priceless gifts will be yours.
From: Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

I went to my therapist this afternoon. We talked about a variety of topics. The two key points she saw pain in me were about my family of origin and my relationships with men. We've got our work cut out for us.

All is well, and all shall be well.
Julian of Norwich


It Is Well With My Soul



When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.


It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.


Fear not. That's the message for today.

Perpetual calendar says:

Live each day so completely
that you will never have
to look back and say,
"If only I had taken more risks
in the pursuit of my dreams!"

In the back of my mind I hear, "This is the stuff that dreams are made of." I have to ask myself, "What stuff?" Are dreams made from risks? What holds us back from taking risks? Fear. Fear keeps us from realizing our dreams.

I just got done sort of watching the movie, "Say Anything"- say sort of because one never really gets to appreciate a movie when Mikki is around. She gets bored and starts talking through it. At any rate the song, "In Your Eyes" was playing and I remembered hearing it sometime last year. I zoned in on it because it talks about instincts. But I can't remember if I saved the lyrics or not.

I listened as John Cusack answered a question in the movie about his future. I guess at times I feel like him. I'm beating about the bush because I really don't know what I want. I only know what I don't want. I don't want what I've already had- incompatibility, instability, rejection.

In Your Eyes

As sung by Peter Gabriel

Love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes

Want to know what is crazy? I went back to my blog and put in the title of this song and all these entries about one particular person and train of thought came up. Weird.

I hate to sound co-dependent. I'm not pursuing anything. I've pretty much let it go. It was a dream. I'm just not sure how realistic it could be. I mean, how can it be realistic if the other person isn't pursuing it also?

Prayer by Thomas Merton

My Lord God
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following
your will does not mean
that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that my desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.



My old pal Thomas. I came across this today when I was searching for something else. It spoke to me and I decided to adopt this prayer for myself.

Went to see Dr. Brann today. Good visit. I'm to begin taking progestrone so that I may have a period again. Yuck! I could definitely do without those. He's talking about pregnancy again. I had to laugh at him when he wanted to do a urine test to see if I was pregnant or not. I haven't had sex since my divorce 4 years ago unless you count what I do in my thoughts.

I have an appointment with my therapist and the podiatrist again next Tuesday. I've got to schedule a mammogram soon, too. Then next month comes the barriatric appointment. Hopefully I'm on the right track to becoming healthier.

I really need a friend to talk to right now.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Seize the opportunity by the beard, for it is bald behind.
--Bulgarian proverb

Through laziness or inattention, we often miss opportunities to grow. Maybe we don't play our hunches or listen to our intuition. Maybe we see an opportunity but fail to act because we're not sure it's what we ought to do. An opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream has appeared, but we don't trust our good fortune. A chance has come to use our talent to help someone, but we don't know how the person will handle it, so we do nothing.

And we rationalize. We decide it's a frivolous impulse, a whim that's not worth our attention. We decide it couldn't be our Inner Guide.

God seldom takes us by the scruff of the neck and pulls us to our next destination. God provides the opportunities; it's up to us to seize them. God talks to us; it's up to us to listen.

Today I'll be on the lookout or God's opportunities.
From: In God's Care by Karen Casey


Things aren't going so well with my family. Try as I might, I can't help them. Everything I try pretty much fails. I put them on my income taxes, following Linda's advice which I knew was wrong, but I justified it by telling myself that I could help them with my refund. Well, I didn't get a refund. The IRS kept the whole thing. Had I known that they were going to get stimulus money I never would have done it but I filed before any of us knew of that money. Then when I got my stimulus money I thought, "Aha, here's my opportunity!" I got less than half. I did buy Mom some much needed new outfits, including underwear. I also spent some on my brother before I put any on my new glasses. But it's not the same. Now I've got a caseworker on my tail ready to file some kind of charges.

I've been feeling resentful and angry at my lot in life now I wonder if I'm being shown one of God's life lessons. Do I have to like it? No. The point is that I need to learn from this and grow.

I'm in trouble with Mom and Barry's caseworkers again. I did something really stupid at the beginning of the year and it's come back to haunt me. I figure I'll need legal aid for this one. I need prayer, folks, lots of prayer. I need to learn to trust my gut instinct and to stop listening to well meaning advice. It gets me in trouble every time.

Mary Don't You Weep

As sung by Take 6

Chorus:
Oh, Mary, don’t you weep
Martha, don’t you mourn
Oh, Mary, don’t you weep
Martha, don’t you mourn
Pharaoh’s army drowned in the Red Sea
Oh, Mary, don’t you weep
Martha, don’t you mourn

Repeat chorus

If I could, I surely would
Stand on the rock where Moses stood
Pharaoh’s army drowned in the Red Sea
Oh, Mary, don’t you weep
Martha, don’t you mourn

Repeat

…Oh, Mary, don’t you weep
Oh, Mary, don’t you weep
Oh, Mary, don’t you weep…
Pharaoh’s army drowned in the Red Sea
Oh, Mary, don’t you weep
Tell Martha not to mourn


I don't know what made me think of this song this morning. I remember the first time I heard it. Take 6 was preforming on PBS. Barry was watching Austin City Limits or some other show. We both liked the song. I went out later and bought a cassette of their music. This is one of my favorite songs on that cassette. I may dig it out and listen to it on the way to work this morning.

When I was looking up the lyrics for this song I found that Bruce Springstein, of all people, has also recorded it! I can not imagine him singing it. That would be like Bob Dillon singing it to me.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Don't miss out on today's learning experiences.

They won't come again. We will never have another day exactly like today, so let's take advantage of the lessons we're offered.

We don't like to make mistakes, and we don't like to be in situations that are fraught with stress, but mistakes and distress seem to go along with being human and alive. Both can be turned into sound learning experiences.

We don't learn if we try to deny or ignore the situation we don't like or don't handle well; nor do we learn if we try to fix unpleasant circumstance with over- and under eating. How much better if we can accept the difficulty, see how we have contributed to it, and arrive at a positive course of action. And how often it helps to talk about the problem with someone else instead of pridefully insisting on muddling through alone. Very likely, we will discover that today's richest learning experiences are those we share with others.

I will accept the lessons today offers and share them with someone else so that we both can grow.
From: Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

What have I learned today? Well, I learned that Jermaine is a lot like those crows in the Walt Disney movie "Dumbo". Rember the song "When I See an Elephat Fly"? He tells tall tales like those crows. But I was right all along. He does it to get a reaction. He's really working Missie's nerves.

I learned that Lakale does better in a small group setting. His problem with the CDC room of old had to be the people who occupied the room- mainly Mr. Pontal. He's doing a lot of good work now.

I learned that Cody can't take too much attention. It begins to get antsy when Missie pours it on.

I learned that I'm a lot like my students. I like to get a reaction from people when I'm in my sickness. I do well in small group settings. And I can't take too much attention (Mikkie- that's how the girl down the row from me spells her name- really is beginning to wear on my nerves. I'm trying to establish boundaries.)

I learned that Doolittle is getting a divorce after 24 years of marriage. His wife has bi-polar and is without medication. He's been drinking to cover up how hurt and confused he is about all of it.

I learned that Barbara is going in for surgery on Friday. She's got a ton of health problems mostly reoccuring cancer.

I learned that my mother is getting less steady on her feet and is more often than not unable to complete a sentence. She can't remember things very well.

How does all of that affect me? I don't know.

I was telling Missie about my new neighbor this morning. Her response was that God gave me a daughter very late in life. As I sat listening to Mickey today I see where we have a lot in common.

I think God's trying to tell me something about myself through this young lady. I certainly hope I did not sound as desperate as she does at times. I'm awfully afraid she's going to get hurt. It's not my business. I just kind of caution her to slow down.

I gave her my poetry magnets when I learned that she liked to write poetry. I figure those will keep her occupied for a while. I also gave her some flower seeds and loaned her my gardening tools. She needs something constructive to do with her time. She spends too much time day dreaming. Nothing good with come of what she talks about. I could tell her that from personal experience. I used to be a big dreamer, too.

School went well today. It was very quiet without Jermaine. Man, can he come up with some whoppers. Yesterday he told us about waking up next to a snake. I asked him if he was scared and he said,"no, because it only bites white people." I told him in that case I would stay far, far away from it.

The music therapist came today. He's kind of cute actually. Logan accompanied Lakale to the session and really seemed to enjoy it. I can't believe they pay this guy to drive all the way in from McMinnville. He says they not only pay his mileage but they do his gas, too. Wow! But in the long run it costs the county far less than a lawsuit from Lakale's mother, I guess.

Once again my natural charm has attracted a rather strange human being. My new neighbor Mickey has latched onto me and is need of a place to land. Bless her heart she really was messed up in a car accident a few years ago and she still has problems forming a complete thought. I'm not used to anyone coming over to my apartment and hanging out for a couple of hours. And she talks non-stop. Oh, my goodness! I can't keep up with her. Her train of thought jumped the tracks a few times tonight.

I'm rather proud of myself this morning. For once in a blue moon I put my personal feelings first. I did not go to hear my friend speak even though I really wanted to. The more I thought about going into "that building" the more my anxiety level went up. Thankfully, he had others going with him for support and did not need me. If that had not been the case I might have felt obligated and gone. It's just not time for me to go back into the toxic situation that those people exhibit. I have to have a mask on every time I go among them and be "up beat" all the time. It's draining. I'm serene right now and relatively content with my situation. But I know the minute I go in their midst all of that will go out the window. I just don't need that at this time.

I also managed to find some quarters where I could wash and dry my bed linens. I'd been sleeping on a bare mattress rather than put the only other sheets I could find- flannel- on the bed. It's too hot for flannel. When pay day rolls around I will have a massive laundry undertaking. Besides that I want to change the color scheme of my bedroom. I still have the pattern from my marriage. I think it's time I changed it. It might be that last thing I need to get rid of to finally move forward. Not that I'm contemplating inviting a man into my bedroom. There's none on the horizon who isn't gay. I seem to repel everyone else without knowing it. It's just that it's time for a change.

I've befriended a rather strange young woman a few doors down from me. Bless her heart she needs friends. I'm not sure I'm the one she needs but maybe God showed me something about myself through her last night. I still need to grow.

God's trying to tell me something.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Handle Today's Problems Today


Many of us face seemingly insurmountable difficulties, perhaps because of our compulsion or simply through misfortune. Whatever the scale of our problems, "One day at a time" and "First things first" are keys to handling them.

Today, we can deal only with today's problems. One of today's problems, of course, may be worrying about the future. A good method of handling that problem is to turn concern about it over to our Higher Power.

But when we do have work that clearly should be done today, we must carry through with it. It's neither reasonable nor sensible to put off things that we can and should do today.

There are certain tasks and responsibilities that must be dealt with today. I will not put them off.
From: Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

And this is on my perpetual calendar this morning:

If I put half the energy
I spend on avoiding problems
into solving problems,
imagine where I could be!

I'm trying to avoid the Betterway House because I really don't want to hastle with the personalies there. But I really want to go here Mike speak. I wish Linda was here to hold my hand.

I'm staddling the fence.

I feel like the paradox wants me present when he speaks because I'm a friendly face for him. He didn't exactly ask me though. He just told me about it. For him that's as good as an invitation. Men!

I want to go as a support for him. I'm curious to hear what he has to say. But I'm not in much of a hurry to darken the Betterway House again. Those people were toxic for me. They drained the life right out of me. I lost myself in service work. I died.

I'm in prayer on this one. I want to go but I also don't want to go.

In matters to do with my family- we're cool. Mom's got more services at her disposal and she's got new medication for sleep walking. Barry's got some new things to work on as well. Barry treated me to lunch today. Big deal for him. All in all, it was a good day for the Hugheys.

Oh, yeah, the nosy neighbor moved from next door. That's a load off. He was kind of a mooch.

Today's message on the old perpetual calendar:

Even when we cannot see the light,
the sun is always there.

I see a lot of truth in that. It kind of reminds me of "Behind every gray cloud there is a silver lining."

Guess what?! Mom was approved for Home Health Care services. Yahoo! She'll be getting the help she needs finally.

Guess what else? The paradox is speaking Saturday night here in Pulaski. As much as I hate to darken that building again I will go to support my friend. Besides I'm curious to hear his story.

All was not smooth sailing in summer school today. I had to deal with Logan. He got 5 licks from a paddle and lost his recess time. I've never seen him carry on like he did today. Wow! It kind of gave me an adreline rush. I was determined to do something about my junky bed room. My energy ran out after I couldn't budge the bed. I also have exhausted everywhere that my other sheets could be. I guess that's a hint to wash several loads of clothes.

I'll Be There for You

As sung by the Rebrandts

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year
but..

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

You're still in bed at ten
And work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast
So far... things are goin' great

Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
Oh but she didn't tell you when the world has brought
You down to your knees that...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows
What it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst I'm best with you, yeah

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

We had a great day in summer school today. Rather than going outside for recess we played games indoors. Cody and Logan were hilarious when we played hot potato with a timer. They kept trying to wind it all the way up rather than letting it go off at the proper time. We also played musical chairs. Now, that was a fun thing to watch. Jermaine is so competitive.

Two of the boys got the opportunity to do some of their work on the computer. I think Cody got over stimulated with it. Jermaine is doing very well in his language exercises when he is allowed to type out his story. His spelling is really bad though.

The principal joined us at snack time. She looked very rested.

Tomorrow we will have water play. Miss brought her inflatable pool for the boys to play in. That should be rather interesting.

Mom's situation may be looking up. A Home Health Care nurse went to her home today. I don't know if she will be able to afford services but maybe they can point us in another direction. I will remain hopeful about it at any rate.

"There's something about tough times that brings out the best in good people!"

This is what my perpetual calendar says today. I think it's reminiscent with "That which does not kill you only makes you stronger." My question is: Why do I have to be stronger? Why do I have to always step up to the plate? I'm tired.

I spent about 6 hours of quality time with my family yesterday. It involved calming my brother down and basically catering to my mother. The police were involved at some point yesterday. It wasn't a major scene but it could have been avoided. I've asked more more assistance with them. It's coming in the form of Home Health Care for Mom. Linda seems to think that that will get DHR involved. I hate for any of us to have to go through this but I know that I can't help them any more. I'm doing well to take care of me these days.

This is the song that was going through my head when I awoke this morning. I have no idea what it means for me.

Collide

As sung by Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Things happen

A healthy friend dies participating in a sport she loves. A husband works hard on his marriage only to come home one day and find his wife in bed with another man.

A knock at the door, and a starving family opens it to find bags of groceries piled anonymously on the porch. A large order comes in just as a company is getting ready to close its doors, and the owner's dream is given new life.

Sometimes life twists. Sometimes it goes the other way, too. Things happen. Sometimes we label these events good, sometimes bad. We cannot always see the reason or purpose in them, but most of us choose to believe there's a Divine plan.

I don't know why I've received some of the blessings I've been given; I don't know why some of the sorrow has come my way. All I can do is trust that whatever comes my way, there's a lesson at hand.

Are you focusing on the circumstances of your life instead of the lessons? The circumstances are the tools. Be involved in them. Feel the pain of loss and the elation of victory. Let compassion work its way into your soul. Learn caring and kindness for others and yourself, too.

Instead of asking why, learn to ask what the lesson is. The moment you become ready to accept it, the lesson will become clear.

God, help me accept all the twists and turns along my path. Help me learn to say whatever to the good and the unfortunate incidents that come my way.
From: More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie


ACIM states that everyone we meet is a potential teacher of some sort. The Celestine Prophesies suggests that each event in out life is a stepping stone or prerequesite for a greater event that is coming. Each of these teaches that our life has a purpose, that we were put here for a reason. I believe that.

When I was younger I used to wonder why I was here, what my purpose was. My alcoholic tried to convince me that my purpose was to take care of him. My family tries to convince me that my purpose is to take care of my mother and brother, that I'm not to have a life of my own. While I believe I have certain responsibilities to those I love, I've learned through recovery that taking care of others is not my sole purpose in life. I choose not to accept the guilt that is placed upon me.

While I don't really know what my purpose is, it is less of a concern to me than it once was. Today I live in the moment and try not to worry or obsess over the purpose behind people and events. It's hard. But it is well worth trying.

P.S. Someone suggested Imagine had resurged due to American Idol. I don't watch that show. But I'm glad that they chose one of Lennon's songs to sing.