Your Daily E-Quiet Moment

Sunday, October 26

Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling.

STEPHEN R. COVEY
American writer and speaker, present day


I had always said that love was a verb rather than just a noun. I think that's the same sentiment here.

Explain to me why others sometimes see you happy and decide to hit you where it hurts. It's almost as if they can't stand to see someone happy and content. They have to rain on the parade. It always seems to happen to me. Am I not entitled to some happiness, too?

Those are the people that it is hardest to love because they don't love themselves and they extend that same poison to others.

I heard the geese fly overhead this morning when I came out of Wal-Mart. To some that is a sign of a hard winter. I'm not sure whether there's any truth in that old wive's tale or not. When I heard them this morning I thought, "What a lonely sound."

I ran into Mac's sponsor while I was in Wal-Mart. It never fails I see all these people from the Betterway House and I know that look that crosses their faces. They seem to want to ask what happened. All of them mention Mac to me but none ever say he misses his old friend Yo. I miss him. He was like a brother to me. I loved him so much. I just got tired of being mistreated when he was having a bad day. I felt so abandoned last summer. All of my so called friends from the Betterway House turned their back on me when I needed them most. At the time I was so hurt. Now I see it as a God thing. I had to have my support system knocked out from under me in order to surrender and turn toward my Higher Power.

I worked at the library today. George had left me some books to look through and an honor roll that one of the churches had gotten together of veterans. I only had two customers and a phone call while I worked his shift. When he came in I told him all that I had found for the book that I'm working on and told him of some dead ends. He told me that the bicentennial committee is working on some sort of tribute to the WWII vets who are still alive in the county. Turns out there are 68 still living. Wow! I had just begun to collect names from the cemetary book on that war as a side line.

I'm a little disappointed with my brother. He seems to have his hand out every time I turn around. I've already spent my November rent on his cat and Mom's bed. I have very little money left for the next three weeks. We're going to be slim pickins for a while. Nothing new for me. It isn't for him either but he doesn't deal with it very well.

The guy in apartment 7 must be drinking again. He wound up putting my laundry in the dryer, thinking that it was his. Oh, well, I got my clothes dried for free but I had a time convincing him that they were my clothes.

Barbara is beginning to suck up again. I'm not going to hold a grudge against her but I really hate for people to act one way toward me and then say something else behind my back. It's hateful and it causes drama. I really don't care for drama of that kind any more. I don't want to be upset all the time. I've got enough to worry about without worrying about what she thinks.

Wish I knew why Marian's daughter Mona dislikes me so much. Linda thinks she sees me as a threat. Me? Good Grief! She's the oldest of seven, she should be accustomed to sharing her mother. Besides, her mother is my sponsor not my parent. That makes some difference surely. Could it be something else? I don't know. I think I'll just steer clear of her when I'm in her presence.

I believe this must be a God thing. I was just talking about this subject with Linda and my own sponsor.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Reflection for the Day

Personal freedom is mine for the taking. No matter how close are the ties of love and concern that bind me to my family and friends, I must always remember that I am an individual, free to be myself and live my own life in serenity and joy. The keyword in this realization is personal. For I can free myself from many involvements that seem necessary. Through the Program, I am learning to develop my own personality. Am I reinforcing my personal freedom by leaving others free to control their actions and destinies?

Today I Pray

May I find personal freedom, by reevaluating associations, establishing new priorities, gaining respect for my own personhood. May I give others equal room to find their own kinds of personal freedoms.

Today I Will Remember
Take the liberty. It's yours.
From: A Day at a Time by Anonymous

I received a good reminder to nourish my spiritual self as well as my physical self. It made me think of something that was said by my sponsor on Sunday when we were discussing spiritual awakenings.


Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Daily our spirits are renewed.

For most of us, a spiritual awakening does not come once and for all. Instead, we have small flashes of insight here and there, and every once in a while we look back and realize with gratitude how the promises of the program have been coming true for us.

Just as our bodies need daily nourishment, so do our spirits. We can seek people and experiences that leave us feeling warm and uplifted. We can take time each day to become quiet in mind and body so that we hear the inner messages that refresh our spirits. We can read something inspirational, listen to good music, look at a beautiful painting or a sunset, grasp a friend's hand in understanding, and say a prayer.

Our spirits bounce back from hurt and depression. They are more easily renewed when we take proper care of our bodies, since we are a total entity of heart, mind, body, and spirit.

Today, I will look for ways to feed my spirit.
From: Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

Today I walked away from working on my brother's apartment because I did not want to enable him. I will "help" him- that means work beside- rather than do the cleaning for him. I told him to expect to work on it tomorrow with me when I get off work. He didn't like what I had to say. Tough. It's time to grow up.

When I called my sponsor she reminded me that Barry will continue to do what he's always done- run from responsibility- if I do what I've always done- pick up the responsibility. She's right. I'm glad I didn't stay down there tonight to work on his apartment while he was at church. If I had I'd be very angry and resentful right now.

I also received a reminder just now about how I sometimes perceive relationships. I've got to pull my head out of the clouds and accept that some things aren't going to change. A duck will always be a duck.

When It was Me and You

From High School Musical

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
That's coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Today I Will Trust

Today, I will stop straining to know what I don't know.
To see what I can't see.
To understand what I don't yet understand.
I will trust that being is sufficient,
And I will let go of my need to figure things out.
From: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie


I used love to ask questions. I used to irritate the hell out of anyone who came around me because I asked questions. My favorite one was, "Why?" I never considered the possibility that I had control issues. Al-Anon taught me that trying to understand things is a means of gaining control.

I still have an inquisitive mind. Sometimes I slip and analyze people or situations. I learned that I made myself doing that and I've made myself stop by doing a gratitude list. I've learned to live in the question as Rainer Maria Rilke suggests. Sure, I still want to know answers but these days I look inward to find out why I react or respond to people or situations the way that I do. I no longer try to train that spot light on others. Now, I do slip ocassionally. I'm human after all.

Like today I've wondered why so many of my students were absent from school. But I did not attempt to find out information. I just enjoyed the low numbers.

I begged off of the Al-Anon district meeting to attend the Fall Social after mass today. I was hoping to get to know some different church members. I met one woman and her grandson but I couldn't tell you what their names are. Dennis wound up sitting with me and I didn't get to talk to anyone else. I already know Dennis. I've known him for about 5 years. I like him. He's very interesting to talk to but I really did want to talk to some other people. Oh, well. It wasn't meant to be.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Personal Responsibility

There will be times when other people will disappoint us - either intentionally or because of indifference or incompetence. If we have been counting on them, their nonperformance can cause us real anger and frustration.

Our growth, however, should teach us that such failures are part of life. While never losing trust in others, we must accept them as fallible people. Their mistakes and lapses come from the human shortcomings all of us have.

Our best course is to live without expecting too much from others. They are not here to please or satisfy us. It's possible, too, that we've been unrealistic in some of our expectations and have set ourselves up for disappointments.

Our personal responsibility is to do our best even when others fall short of our expectations. At the same time, we can grow by becoming more reliable and dependable ourselves.

We cannot use another's failure as an excuse for negligence on our part.

Today I'll expect the best, but I will know that I also have the spiritual resources to deal with the worst that can happen.
From: Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've said all of this more than once and then it hit me- I am more falliable than others have been. I'm human. How dare I be human!

What I think is a biblical phrase came to me just now- "lean not on thine own understanding." I have relied too much on my own ingenuity at times and not asked for help. Then I asked for help from other people only to come up empty. I've learned that at those times I was supposed to turn to God.

A young lady ran into an utility pole about the time I was helping my brother work on his apartment. The electricity was knocked out for a few hours.

Barry and I took a trip to Davy Crockett Park to commune with nature. The only nature we saw were the Canadian geese on the pond there. That spurred Barry to talk about the signs everyone looks for when winter is approaching. One of them is the geese flying further south. We haven't seen any geese flying overhead.

The drive through the park capped off an unusual day. A headless mouse had been placed outside Barry's apartment. In his mind he was being warned about something he had done wrong. He thought it was a mafia hit. I didn't want to laugh at him but the thought of my autistic brother being a mafia hit was too ridiculous for words. It only goes to show that he's a little too paranoid. I've been there myself so I have no room to laugh let alone smile about his feelings. My thought is that some cat had left him a love offering.

We took the old couch and a tire to the county dump. It only cost us 57 cents to leave it there. I was amazed.

All in all I think I've had a pretty productive week. So why am I sitting here on a Friday night eating cheese puffs and typing on my computer? Why aren't I celebrating my freedom and liberation? No money. No dough, no go. I keep hoping some wonderful person will come along and invite me out for a coke or something but it never happens. Not sure why. Hey, I'm very easy to please. I'm not high maintenance at all. I require very little to make me happy. Maybe that is what the problem really is. Maybe I should be a little more high maintenance. Maybe that's what guys want. Who knows? I figure that if others can't accept me as I am then I'm probably better off. Right?

Gratitude list for today:

A- Assistive Living
B- Barry
C- Carolyn, the caseworker from Centerstone assigned to Mom and Barry; clearing the air; my cats for loving me unconditionally
D- Deacon Mike
E- Education
F- Faith
G- God- without Him we would have nothing
H- Hope
I- Ice
J- Jane (believe it or not she helped me make sense of the assistive living situation)
K- Kenny (I loved hearing from him last week. It made my day.)
L- Linda
M- Marion
N- Nurses who give flu shots- Mom got one yesterday
O- Optimism
P- Pardox (I wish he'd e-mail me)
Q- Quiet
R- Reeves Drug Store for helping us with Mom's medication; Rain
S- South Central Human Resources
T- The Three Musketeers- Lisa, Mary Jo and Vicki
U- Understanding
V- Vivian, Dr. Grave's nurse that has helped us with samples of Mom's medicine; the vet who helped Barry get his cat fixed up with surgery
W- Wisdom to know the difference; World War I- my new research project that will become a book
X- That Xena spirit that lives in all of us
Y- Yolanda, the assistant at Country Cottage that takes care of Mom
Z- Zero, my hero

Small Town

As sung by John Mellencamp

Well, I was born in a small town
And I live in a small town
Prob’ly die in a small town
Oh, those small communities

All my friends are so small town
My parents live in the same small town
My job is so small town
Provides little opportunity

Educated in a small town
Taught the fear of Jesus in a small town
Used to daydream in that small town
Another boring romantic that’s me

But I’ve seen it all in a small town
Had myself a ball in a small town
Married an LA doll and brought her to this small town
Now she’s small town just like me

No, I cannot forget where it is that I come from
I cannot forget the people who love me
Yeah, I can be myself here in this small town
And people let me be just what I want to be

Got nothing against a big town
Still hayseed enough to say
Look who’s in the big town
But my bed is in a small town
Oh, and that’s good enough for me

Well I was born in a small town
And I can breathe in a small town
Gonna die in this small town
And that’s prob’ly where they’ll bury me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last few days it has hit me about just how small this town is and why I was in such a hurry to leave it 25 years ago. I wanted to be anywhere but Pulaski, TN. I remember my best friend Monti and I joking about the "grandma hotline"- how everyone's grandmother knew everyone else's and made sure they told all the news there was to each other.

I became a private person. I wanted to distance myself from my family not because I was ashamed of them but because I had lived in their shadow for so long. I had been the invisible kid without an identity of my own. I wanted to find myself. Sorry to say that when I ran from Pulaski, I was trying to run away from myself. It has taken the last few years of me really working a daily inventory to learn that.

But I've got to tell you the last few months with Barbara trying to create a family out of us has really taken its toll on me. I don't like everyone knowing my business. If it's to be told I'd rather it be me that told it. Yesterday's blow up with the neighbors really hammered that home to me. I regret losing my temper but I do not regret clearing the air.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Theme song to Cheers

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.

Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got;
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?

All those night when you've got no lights,
The check is in the mail;
And your little angel
Hung the cat up by it's tail;
And your third fiance didn't show;

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to be where you can see,
Our troubles are all the same;
You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright;
And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write;
And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the world
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
You want to go where people know,
People are all the same;
You want to go where everybody knows your name.

Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came;
Where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I never knew that there was more to the song what what they played at the beginning of every episode of Cheers but I should have guessed that there was.

Today I saw a community- the workers at the Giles County Animal Hospital- come together to help my brother make it on his own with that tom cat he has taken in. They really gave him a discount on the surgery that poor old Tiger had to have. I was expecting a bill of more than $500 and it only came to $155. I think it helped that one person there knew who Barry was and wanted to help him.

Today as I ate lunch with the Three Musketeers- Lisa, Mary Jo and Vicki- the same feeling hit me about myself. Here were three people who know some pretty bad things about my life and love me just the same. It was nice not to have to explain a lot of things to them about what's going on in my life. It was like picking up where we had left off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Warren,” she said, “he has come home to die:
You needn’t be afraid he’ll leave you this time.” 115

“Home,” he mocked gently.

“Yes, what else but home?
It all depends on what you mean by home.
Of course he’s nothing to us, any more
Than was the hound that came a stranger to us 120
Out of the woods, worn out upon the trail.”

“Home is the place where, when you have to go there,
They have to take you in.”

“I should have called it
Something you somehow haven’t to deserve.”
From Death of a Hired Man, Robert Frost

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And so it is- none of us deserve the feeling that home gives us. We can run from it but ultimately we always return for one reason or another. I think I may be glad I did.

The other night I dreamed that I was teaching various age groups a lesson on nouns. Each age group presented problems. They were either so unruly that it was hard for me to teach or they were completely cluless no matter what I did. I kept writing on the board- "people, places and things"- to no avail.

It did not dawn on me until last night after the Al-Anon meeting that my dream was actually about powerlessness. I know that I am powerless over people, places and things. I accept it. In fact, I'm so accepting of it that I sometimes fail to do the things that I do have control over.

Last night before I went to visit Mom and attend the meeting I went by Barbara's apartment to see if she was going to accompany me to fix the bed frame that she had given us. She hit me with all this garbage the she said the other neighbors were saying about me and my family. It upset me to no end. I couldn't figure out where all of this stuff was coming from. I went to visit my mother, still in tears over my anger and hurt feelings. This morning I got up determined to clear the air once and for all. I regret the things I said to my neighbors especially after learning that it was Barbara and not them who had been saying all these things. I also learned that she was trashing me left and right. At one point in the conversation I was told that I had a boyfriend, too. What boyfriend? Has anyone seen me with someone? Geez. So, I confronted her, too. Only she came out swinging and pointing fingers at these women.

I've since apologized to them and I realize that the person behind all the drama really is Barbara. It frustrates me. She kept volunteering to help us and all this time she's been bad mouthing us. But it proves that my instincts about her were right. Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

At any rate I wound up buying Mom a bedframe. But at least she has a bed all her own to sleep on in her new apartment. And I didn't rely on anyone else to do it for me.

It's kind of ironic that today's reading from Hazelden was about powerlessness. I think there is a bit of sychronicity here.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

When we have internalized Step One, our lives reflect it.

Admitting we are powerless over alcohol is not very difficult for most of us. Admitting we are powerless over the alcoholic is another matter. After all, we have used shame quite successfully to get our way on occasion, intimidation sometimes worked. Our relentlessness sometimes wore the alcoholic down. But we never really changed that person.

Fully accepting our powerlessness over all other people may seem scary at first. (What will we do with our time?) But it makes our own lives so much simpler. Relief from worry and frustration is only the first gift. Having time to pursue our own goals comes next. Discovering happiness at will is another blessing. Once we get used to being powerless over other people, we'll realize how much living we gave up in the past.

I will find joy in my powerlessness today. I will have more energy for myself.
From: A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

I bought the new Al-Anon book "Discovering Choices" and found something else that was along the same lines.

I run into obstacles whenever I try to resolve difficult issues with another person without consulting my Higher Power first. p. 220

I had definitely not consulted with God before I ran off at the mouth this morning. I regret what I said and I've made amends. But it did bring everything out into the open. For that I guess I'm grateful.

Extraordinary

As sung by Mandy Moore


I was a bay tree
Quiet and unseen
I lived in stories but inside I kept a mystery
I was a starling
Nobody's darling
Flying around in perfect circles just for company

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

A midnight airplane
A window blowing
I know I am another sparkle in the sky
I shine on copper
Still undiscovered
But you might see me in the corner of my eye

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

Waking up to wake up someday
I am my own parade
Stopping off at a sidewalk cafe
Wind is playing in threes
Kick up confetti leaves
Seems as if it's all to say

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary

And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready
And now I'm ready to be extraordinary


I saw Mandy Moore perform this song just now on a past episode of Extreme Home Makeovers. The design team had just completed work on a camp for AIDS victims. It was heartwarming and so very real. It made me think of Joe and Mac...and Mark. But the song makes me think of my life- the invisible person.

Poor Barry. He's been in need of a lot of help the last few years. The caseworkers only focused on Mom. They didn't see all that Barry needed and because he didn't know how to tell them, it went unnoticed.

I took him to the vet with his tom cat yesterday. The poor thing has a hernia. He was injured in a fight as well and had ear mites. Barry wants to get him neutered so that he won't spray any more either. This is very costly. I paid for the shots and the medicine yesterday and asked about payment plans for the rest. It would kill him to get rid of this cat now. He needs it to feel good about himself. He figures that if he can care for his cats then he will be able to care for himself.

When I took him to do laundry this morning I discovered a few other things. He was in need of towels, wash cloths and the works for his bathroom. He also needed a few other personal items that he had been too embarrassed to ask for. I took care of all of that this morning. I also took him grocery shopping and taught him how to find good buys. He spent much of the day with me and then went back to his own apartment.

Mom had a fall last night at the assistive living facility. I'm a little put out with them but I will utilize the system like Linda told me to. I've yet to meet the new social worker but I'll be bending her ear big time when I do. Only three baths a week! Hmph! What kind of a place is this?

Well, it's been an eventful couple of days.

First, I had to take on my brother's spending habits and the enabling neighbor, Barbara, that had all but taken over. I have no idea how he got into the situation that he's in nor where the items went that he bought. I hate to be distrustful but I think the things are in her house.

Second, I've gotten my brother an appointment with a counselor as he requested. He needs someone to talk to but he also needs guidance. I've spoken with his payee. Barry qualifies for some other services. It's possible that I can get a social worker who will help him with light house keeping and finances. I think it would help him feel a little more independent.

Third, we were given the run around about Mom moving. One minute all systems were go and the next we had another round of red tape to cut through. I had a sub on stand by for today in case moving was on. Well, now there was a hitch in our get-along. Barbara apparently took offense to my chewing out my brother and decided to bail on helping Mom move. But she was still hell bent on going back to the old house to see what could go in the yard sale to make us extra money.

Then I got up this morning to move Mom and my brother bailed on me. I wound up loading the truck by myself this morning and spent the rest of the time with errands. The bed, which Barbara gave us in exchange for a chest of drawers, is kind of old and hard to put together. It needs a little cosmetic surgery. But it will be fine. However, the box springs doesn't fit. So, Mom is sleeping in another bed tonight there at the assistive living facility until I can fix the situation. Unfortunately we can't move furniture in over the weekend. So, she's stuck until Monday. I didn't get the second load of furniture moved today- the chest of drawers, dresser and ottoman- because I had no help and I was dog tired. So Monday will be the next big day.

After that I turn my attention to my brother's situation.

Welcome to my world.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

God hasn't called me to be successful. He's called me to be faithful.
--Mother Teresa

A reporter asked Mother Teresa how she could bear to go on working at such a hopeless task day after day and year after year. The people she cared for were so wretchedly poor. Many of them, very sick. How could she continue with such dedication, knowing that all the poverty and sickness would still be there long after she had died? Didn't she realize she couldn't win?

Her explanation was simple: Of course she knew the task was immense, but "finishing" wasn't her purpose. Mother Teresa had turned her life and will over to God, and her work was what she believed to be God's will for her. Because of this, she was devoted to the task itself, not to the completion of it.

We too can learn to be receptive to a higher purpose. We can direct our energies into causes we believe in, even if we know the job will never be finished. We can visit with friends and family and not try to win a verbal exchange. We can accept the will of our Higher Power and thereby find serenity.

Today, I will let go of the driving need to succeed or to impress others. Instead, I will be receptive to my Higher Power's will.
From: Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty



Wow! Does this mean that some things that I am involved in aren't meant for me to complete?

I was just thinking that maybe some situations are like an assembly line. I put on my pieces and send it to the next person who puts on pieces and then sends it further down the line. Or in the Apostle Paul's words- I plant, another waters, another reaps the harvest. Kinda puts it all in perspective, don't you think?

Synchronicity!

I prayed last night for guidance. I've been deluged with all these problems and I haven't been able to hear my inner voice any more. I miss it. I think today's Hazelden reading might be the answer to my prayer.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.
--Rainer Maria Rilke

We carry problems and discrepancies within us, quandaries that are not easily answered - and we have bigger questions about life and the world. Why did I act as I did in my younger years? Can my life partnership be happy again? How should I handle a secret that I carry? What is this thing we call Higher Power and God?

We are on a journey and, in some ways, this journey is a quest for answers. The questions give energy and direction to our seeking. We cannot expect to get quick or easy answers. And some questions will always remain just that: questions. But we can learn to be patient with ourselves, tolerant of our incompleteness, and always curious about how it will all turn out.

Today I will practice patience with myself and embrace my unsolved questions as crucial elements in my quest.
From: Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

From "The Gift of Change" by Marrianne Williamson:

When I am at the effect of the problem, I become part of the problem. When I am centered within myself, I become part of the solution. p. 10

It is said in Alcoholics Anonymous that every problem comes bearing its own solution. p. 14

...it is not enough to just seek the truth or even to know the truth. We must give ourselves permission now to live the truth as we understand it, with all its myriad implications for our lives. p. 18

When we begin to live the greater life- not "seek" it, so much as simply choose to participate in it- then and only then do we find that it's all around us, all the time. God is in our mind. Wherever we go, He's there. p. 19

Carry On My Wayward Son

As sung by Kansas

{Refrain)
Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say

{Refrain)

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know

On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say

{Refrain)

No!
Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
The center lights around your vanity
But surely heaven waits for you

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry (don't you cry no more)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Go Rest High On That Mountain

As sung by Vince Gill

I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain

Chorus:
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin
Love for the father and son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Repeat chorus


Both songs speak to me today. I'm not sure why the second one does but I'm totally into the first one. I'm tired. I need help.

Mom should be moving soon. I really need someone reliable to help me move her. I'm afraid that I finally have proof that Barbara is taking advantage of my mother and brother. I got a call from the payee with a report that sounded kind of fishy to me. All fingers point to Barbara. I'm going to keep my cool until I get Mom moved and then I'm severing all ties.

Pandora's Box

Prometheus and Epimetheus were brothers during the Golden Age, when no evil existed on the Earth. No one was ever sick or angry or hungry. Everyone spent their days in peace and happiness. Prometheus, whose name means “forethought,” was a Titan and was very wise. His brother’s name meant “afterthought,” and he made a terrible mistake.

On Mount Olympus the gods created a young woman. Each gave her a special gift, such as a silvery gown, a golden crown, great beauty, and garland of flowers. They named her “Pandora,” which means “the gift from all.”

The gods also gave Pandora a box. Into the box each god had put something harmful, and they warned her never to open it. Then they sent Pandora to Epimetheus.

When he saw her beauty, Epimetheus forgot his brother’s warning never to accept anything from Zeus. He welcomed Pandora into his home and married her.

One day Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her. She just had to know what was in the box the gods had given her, so she opened it. Immediately all the troubles of the world flew out: disease, anger, hunger, and many others. Terrified, Pandora slammed down the lid, but it was too late. The Golden Age was ruined.

Pandora looked down at the box, startled. Did she hear something inside knocking and saying, “Let me out”? Pandora sighed. No matter what was in there, it couldn’t be any worse than what she had already let out, so she opened the box. Out flew Hope, the only good thing the gods had included.

Today Hope is often the only thing that sustains people during bad times.


Sometimes I feel like Pandora must have felt. Maybe I, too, have opened up a box that would have best been left closed. But then I had begun to feel again - good, bad or indifferent- at least I had been feeling something. I think that is where hope comes in. Don't you?