Caligula

Last week when I was doing research at the library on one of my latest projects I came across a person who was named Caligulus. I mentioned it to George, who was sitting at the table with me, and asked what kind of nut names their child Caligulus. Didn't they know who Caligula was? Hadn't they studied history?

I forgot about that conversation until last night when I was sitting out front of my apartment with my brother. We began talking about Attla the Hun and other military men. Caligula's name was reintroduced to me. I thought that was rather odd until I watched my free rental movie tonight.

Movie Gallery called me Monday to tell me that I had a free movie rental. I hadn't watched it and it was actually due on Thursday night. I'll pay the late fees - no problem. The movie is called "The Final Inquiry". It's about the Emperor of Rome sending a soldier named Titus Valarius Taurus to Jerusalem to find out the truth about Jesus of Nazareth. It's my kind of movie. When asked why he sent Titus on a fool's errand, the emperor answered by saying that Titus was a very proud man, an analytical man who would not rest until he found the truth.

I found myself hoping that Titus would find all the truth he sought even with all the deception and treachery that was around him. In the end I think he did find the truth. He found The Way.

At the end of the movie there was Caligula. He assassinated his uncle and sent out a death warrant on Titus Valerius Taurus who had become one of Jesus' followers. I can't help but see some synchronicity in all this about Caligula. I'm just not sure why his name kept being brought to my attention except that I was meant to see this movie.

The past few days have been rather odd. I've felt like reality wasn't all it was cracked up to be, like maybe I was walking in a daze and seeing things through a fog. I didn't feel crazy but I wondered about the meaning behind the things I was experiencing. It would take a while to explain all of this. Thankfully I have a therapy session coming up on Tuesday.

Somehow I feel that there is another huge change coming. It's spiritual in nature and will involve a lot of faith. I'm not sure where the change is coming from. Maybe it's an internal thing for me alone or maybe there will be others involved. Who knows? Maybe I'm in line for a wonderful spiritual awakening. All I know is that I am finally at peace. I don't have all that I want but I have what I need. I'm not blissfully happy but I'm content. I still get lonely but I know that I'm never alone. I know it doesn't make sense but it is how I feel.

I listened to the opening song from "Rent" today as I drove around in my old black truck. I still can't believe I'm back behind the wheel of that truck and that the white one sits in the parking lot a wreck. At any rate the opening song has always spoke to me. Today the message was a little different. I think it goes hand in hand with the book I bought recently called "The Last Lecture". It's time to decide who I am and what is really important in life. I think I'm getting closer to knowing.