I'm rather proud of myself this morning. For once in a blue moon I put my personal feelings first. I did not go to hear my friend speak even though I really wanted to. The more I thought about going into "that building" the more my anxiety level went up. Thankfully, he had others going with him for support and did not need me. If that had not been the case I might have felt obligated and gone. It's just not time for me to go back into the toxic situation that those people exhibit. I have to have a mask on every time I go among them and be "up beat" all the time. It's draining. I'm serene right now and relatively content with my situation. But I know the minute I go in their midst all of that will go out the window. I just don't need that at this time.

I also managed to find some quarters where I could wash and dry my bed linens. I'd been sleeping on a bare mattress rather than put the only other sheets I could find- flannel- on the bed. It's too hot for flannel. When pay day rolls around I will have a massive laundry undertaking. Besides that I want to change the color scheme of my bedroom. I still have the pattern from my marriage. I think it's time I changed it. It might be that last thing I need to get rid of to finally move forward. Not that I'm contemplating inviting a man into my bedroom. There's none on the horizon who isn't gay. I seem to repel everyone else without knowing it. It's just that it's time for a change.

I've befriended a rather strange young woman a few doors down from me. Bless her heart she needs friends. I'm not sure I'm the one she needs but maybe God showed me something about myself through her last night. I still need to grow.