Perpetual calendar says:

Live each day so completely
that you will never have
to look back and say,
"If only I had taken more risks
in the pursuit of my dreams!"

In the back of my mind I hear, "This is the stuff that dreams are made of." I have to ask myself, "What stuff?" Are dreams made from risks? What holds us back from taking risks? Fear. Fear keeps us from realizing our dreams.

I just got done sort of watching the movie, "Say Anything"- say sort of because one never really gets to appreciate a movie when Mikki is around. She gets bored and starts talking through it. At any rate the song, "In Your Eyes" was playing and I remembered hearing it sometime last year. I zoned in on it because it talks about instincts. But I can't remember if I saved the lyrics or not.

I listened as John Cusack answered a question in the movie about his future. I guess at times I feel like him. I'm beating about the bush because I really don't know what I want. I only know what I don't want. I don't want what I've already had- incompatibility, instability, rejection.

In Your Eyes

As sung by Peter Gabriel

Love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes

Want to know what is crazy? I went back to my blog and put in the title of this song and all these entries about one particular person and train of thought came up. Weird.

I hate to sound co-dependent. I'm not pursuing anything. I've pretty much let it go. It was a dream. I'm just not sure how realistic it could be. I mean, how can it be realistic if the other person isn't pursuing it also?