The other night I dreamed that I was teaching various age groups a lesson on nouns. Each age group presented problems. They were either so unruly that it was hard for me to teach or they were completely cluless no matter what I did. I kept writing on the board- "people, places and things"- to no avail.

It did not dawn on me until last night after the Al-Anon meeting that my dream was actually about powerlessness. I know that I am powerless over people, places and things. I accept it. In fact, I'm so accepting of it that I sometimes fail to do the things that I do have control over.

Last night before I went to visit Mom and attend the meeting I went by Barbara's apartment to see if she was going to accompany me to fix the bed frame that she had given us. She hit me with all this garbage the she said the other neighbors were saying about me and my family. It upset me to no end. I couldn't figure out where all of this stuff was coming from. I went to visit my mother, still in tears over my anger and hurt feelings. This morning I got up determined to clear the air once and for all. I regret the things I said to my neighbors especially after learning that it was Barbara and not them who had been saying all these things. I also learned that she was trashing me left and right. At one point in the conversation I was told that I had a boyfriend, too. What boyfriend? Has anyone seen me with someone? Geez. So, I confronted her, too. Only she came out swinging and pointing fingers at these women.

I've since apologized to them and I realize that the person behind all the drama really is Barbara. It frustrates me. She kept volunteering to help us and all this time she's been bad mouthing us. But it proves that my instincts about her were right. Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

At any rate I wound up buying Mom a bedframe. But at least she has a bed all her own to sleep on in her new apartment. And I didn't rely on anyone else to do it for me.

It's kind of ironic that today's reading from Hazelden was about powerlessness. I think there is a bit of sychronicity here.

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

When we have internalized Step One, our lives reflect it.

Admitting we are powerless over alcohol is not very difficult for most of us. Admitting we are powerless over the alcoholic is another matter. After all, we have used shame quite successfully to get our way on occasion, intimidation sometimes worked. Our relentlessness sometimes wore the alcoholic down. But we never really changed that person.

Fully accepting our powerlessness over all other people may seem scary at first. (What will we do with our time?) But it makes our own lives so much simpler. Relief from worry and frustration is only the first gift. Having time to pursue our own goals comes next. Discovering happiness at will is another blessing. Once we get used to being powerless over other people, we'll realize how much living we gave up in the past.

I will find joy in my powerlessness today. I will have more energy for myself.
From: A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

I bought the new Al-Anon book "Discovering Choices" and found something else that was along the same lines.

I run into obstacles whenever I try to resolve difficult issues with another person without consulting my Higher Power first. p. 220

I had definitely not consulted with God before I ran off at the mouth this morning. I regret what I said and I've made amends. But it did bring everything out into the open. For that I guess I'm grateful.