Risky business. That's what I think sharing in recovery is. You open your heart to others who have had some similar experiences and you risk being put down further.

I so admire Joe. Last night I learned that he'd been in the hospital for EZT treatments. At first I wasn't sure I knew what he was talking about. I've only heard of EZT from the movie Rent. I had a friend die from AIDS but I wasn't around to see him as he got sick. I have no first hand experience with it. When I remembered what he was talking about, I actually told him about Joey. Joey has Hepatitis C and at one time he had tested positive for HIV. But when he was released from prison he tested negative for HIV. At the time all of that came up I was struggling to deal with all the information that he was dropping on me. First I learn that he's having an affair with some man in prison, then I learn of a second, then I learn that he has Hep C. The whole AIDS scare almost did me in. It was too much to process. I went on antidepressants back then, too. I not only watched my dreams of a real family go up in flames, I felt betrayed, humiliated and on top of all that I thought I'd have to watch someone that I loved die. I'm not afraid of death. It's dying that terrifies me. I knew all of this and yet remained in a marriage with Joey. I had never really talked about this to anyone in a while. I think I needed to get it off my chest. But I admire Joe because he took a risk in telling me something about himself that was personal. He doesn't have a mask on.

So, I totally removed mine and for once someone other than Linda listened to me. Sometimes I get a little tired of people who hear what I say but do not listen to the whole truth that I'm putting out there. Joe actually listened and for that I am grateful. It made that disastrous Al-Anon meeting afterwards seem like Alice in Wonderland. Wish there were more in recovery who were willing to remove their masks.

His disclosure and his words about going to any length for recovery make me even more determined to find a way to attend the Al-Anon International Convention in Pittsburgh in July 2008. I've been investigating transportation and housing. We'll see if I can find an affordable plan. If not, I won't have lost anything.