Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The only limits to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with a strong and active faith.
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

When following the inner voice, one must deal with the experience of uncertainty. The future is not laid out and comes down to trust - trusting that the support will be there; that the money will come; that if one path does not work out, another one will open up.

We can develop this trust from experience. We step out in faith the first time, and the Universe supports us. We step out again and the assistance is there. After several experiences, we begin to feel comfortable living by faith - our "invisible means of support." We no longer need to know ahead of time how everything will work out.

So make the decision. Let go of the worry, the anxiety, and the doubt. Have faith in your connection to universal principles, for it is here that your true security lies. The Universe will not abandon you if you maintain your connection to it. Keep the faith, and the faith will keep you.

This is from Listening to Your Inner Voice by Doug Bloch


It seemed appropriate that I got this this morning. I also got a forward from an Oklahoma cousin called the Butterfly and the Flower that spoke about God answering out prayers. Seems like He's talking to me today. I hate to have doubts but it's hard not to when my instincts tell me one thing and I'm told that I'm wrong. It's just better not to even rely on what my instincts tell me. But I have a very funny feeling that I'm about to hear that I've been right.

I've been looking at the lesson I have for tomorrow's RCIA class with Deacon Mike. It's right up my alley. It's all the stuff I was working on with Thomas Merton's readings and my What is Love journal. I think I'm going to enjoy tomorrow's discussion. I'm afraid that the deacon won't know what hit him. I think he underestimates me sometimes. I've been a Bible scholar for some time now. It's the Catholic Bible I'm not so well versed in. I bought one last year when I was working on Jane's Angel book for Christmas. I found that there were a few translation differences between it and my New King James Version. But I like the commentary in it.

Kenny got back with me late last night. The only thing is that he did not explain men to me. He explained me to me. He pretty much summed up what I was afraid of- that I was once again looking into my mirror. He gave me some encouragement though and told me not to give up with my ACIM work. I'm getting the hang of a lot of what it teaches. I really am. It's hard not to analyze people though when you're confused and insecure. But with Kenny's help I got the focus back on myself. What would I do without him? Maybe I should move to Oregon and help him open his B & B. Nah. I'd still be taking insecure me with me. Besides, I kind of like talking to someone that doesn't know me. What does his opinion of me matter? We'll probably never meet each other and that's okay with me. I still think he's a peach and I love him.

It's been a long day today. My wild child was a handful and got on my nerves severely. I had to go in search of chocolate. Didn't find any but I did find something with sugar. Had to have it. It was either that or take up drinking. Ha! My patience ended pretty quickly today because I could not talk him down from his high. I heard 4 different personalities today and the intensity of one kind of scared me. I'm afraid this kid is going to blow one day and I won't be able to protect all 3 of my wheel chair bound children. That's why we pretty much try to keep them as far away from him as possible. The sad thing is that when I have to deal with Quedarrius, I don't have time to spend with my other kids. It frustrates me.

I just got off the phone with Linda. Love her, love her, love her! I think I'll adopt her. Oh, that's right. I already have. Giggle. I love hearing about Anthony, the idiot. I talked to her about what I was feeling and gained some clarity. She told me that it was all about acceptance. God answered my prayer. I should not analyze it. I should just accept it as it is. Besides, in the back of my mind I had known that the paradox would show up at the funeral home. I just never expected him to show up while I was there and I certainly never expected him to sit with me and talk. I also talked to her about the whole recovery thing. I may not have to seek out another Al-Anon group. I have my telephone meetings, my on-line meetings, my therapy sessions and my spiritual sessions with the deacon. I'm getting a lot of recovery without having the benefit of a healthy home group. Besides I can't change any of them. I have a study partner like I wanted. He lives in Oregon. I have a sponsee that reaches out when she needs help- I actually have 2, Rena and Elyce. I also have three back up people to talk to when I can't talk to my sponsor- Linda, the new therapist and the deacon. I'm pretty well set. Linda doesn't see where I might need something else. I think she's right.