Hi. I just returned home after spending the weekend with my Al-Anon sister from Sylacagua, Alabama. It was roughly a 4 hour drive through hideous Birmingham traffic. I endured the traffic of people going to and from two college football games. I love football- hate traffic.

My Al-Anon friend is about to undergo two surgeries that she's put off for four years. It's cosmetic to fix some of the things that weren't done properly after a life altering surgery. She's finally worked up enough nerve to do this. She's making out her will in case something goes wrong. Her foster mother is to be the first executrix and I am the second. She thought I could best handle her mentally retarded mother because of my own life experience.

Yesterday I met my friend's new boyfriend. During breakfast and afterward I got to see why she was so gone on him. He's a very nice man- intelligent, handsome, witty, etc. But last night I got to see why she's had to detach herself from him. He came to her apartment drunk and proceeded to sneak beers into her home each time he went out to have a smoke. He got louder and his behavior was more erratic as the night wore on. I witnessed my friend calmly put him out and listened as he went off on her. She apologized to me profusely. I assured her that her alcoholic was actually far less volatile than mine and that I did not hold her accountable for his behavior. But I've got to tell you that I really respect and admire her calm attitude. She didn't bat an eye at him as he yelled obscenities. She just calmly repeated, "It's time for you to go. I want you to leave now." I thought she'd fall apart and I was prepared to have a wet shoulder but she held it together very well.

This morning we went to services at her home church. It was friends and family day. The sermon seemed to come right out of one of our daily readers. It was about unity. I felt blessed to be with my friend. She's helped me through some rough times and I've been there for her. It was nice.

Then the other shoe dropped. I came home to hear that my family was in a disarray. It didn't surprise me really. We've had a full moon. I really do believe that affects behavior. I love my biological family but I've got to tell you that I saw a lot of similarity between mine and Stuart Smalley's. I finally watched "Stuart Saves His Family" this weekend.

I came home to hear from my mother that I was about to be called on the carpet by my aunts and uncles. It seems that they all feel as if I have abandoned my family. The truth is that I finally stopped doing for them things that they could do for themselves. I began actually trying to have a life of my own. Man, the guilt she tried to slap on me. I refused to take it. I've done nothing wrong. I have signed she and my brother up for every service there is available to them. They have a village of people meeting their needs. They aren't without support. I was expected to do what 7 or 8 people are doing and do it alone. Where is the sanity in that? Where is the fairness? I'm expected to take care of two people with disabilities when I'm struggling to keep myself together. I feel that I've done the best I can by them. I can't take care of everyone else if I'm in need of care myself. You know what I mean?

As I got on-line just now and read the shares from this weekend a thought hit me. What is the difference between lamentations and limitations? I finally came up with this in regards to my family and the things I witnessed this weekend. Lamentations is negative. It's when we wallow in our problems and refuse to see the necessity of them. We refuse to ask for help. We are content to be amid chaos, while whining about it. That's how I used to be. Limitations is positive. It's where we acknowledge that we have no power over people, places and things. It's acknowledging that we need help and we become willing to ask for it. One of the songs in the church service this morning talked about being happy for having laid down burdens. I think that's the biggest difference between lamentations and limitations. When my limitations are recognized I lay my burdens down- I let go and let God. When I am lamenting over them, I'm holding on for dear life.

My friend made a comment this weekend about her plate being full. She meant that she had a lot of things that she needed to do before she went into the hospital to have her surgery. But I saw something else. It is not that her plate is full, it is that her cup runneth over. Those errands are blessings because it means that she has a job, she has a place that she belongs, she has friends, etc. She was lamenting over her full plate. When I pointed that out. She quickly began spouting off about her limited amount of time, her limitations. I told her that she needed to delegate, ask for help. It was not that her plate was really full. Her cup ran over with opportunities to connect with so many people and thus get her needs met.

And of course that is the way I choose to look at my family's situation. I will not accept the guilt and shame that others want to put on me. I will not engage in the Blame Game. But, boy, it's hard not to lose my temper when these people come at me. I sure am grateful that I have a program of some sort. It may not be perfect but it will get me through these rough patches.

Anyway, I had a lovely weekend and I was reminded of what brought me into Al-Anon. I was also reminded why I need to keep coming back. I'm content today. I'm happy to have my own cup running over.