I've been reading the Anthony De Mello essays that I downloaded to file. I see a lot of the things he talks about in me. I think that is part of the awareness. Before I would have denied that I was anything like the people he talked about. I would have negated what I read and gone on about my business. But this time I find myself looking deeper into myself and seeing some truth. Truth is relative and my truth is no different. I can see that my truth changes as I evolve. That is growth. Just as my capacity to accept and love changes as I evolve. I see that my real problem is not trusting myself enough, not trusting my own instincts. I am a pretty perceptive person but I allow others to convince me that my grasp of reality is an illusion. Now, I know that I had a tight grip on it. It was they who were operating in an illusion.

I had a lot of other things in this blog but when I went to leave it I forgot to save it and erased it. I think that means you weren't supposed to be privy to it. That's really okay. Some things I put in here are strictly for me. If you read them, it's okay. But for some reason you weren't supposed to know about the whole Mac/Elaine/William/Ann/Yo saga. To be honest it's kind of boring. I've decided that it is a smoke screen, an illusion. It's an outside issue that I really removed myself from long ago unbeknownst to the other characters.