My cup runneth over. Last night I went to bed, worrying about whether I'd have enough of my paycheck left over to cover the remaining balance of my electric bill. I shouldn't have. God was good! He gave me above what I needed. I was able to buy a few necessities like toilet paper, trash bags, plus things for my girls- cat food and cat litter. I even had enough to buy a sausage biscuit and a diet coke. I feel blessed!

I still have things that I feel are needs but apparently they are wants. I'm learning the difference.

I'll be running on fumes when I get to the car dealership on Monday to turn in my truck but at least I will have fought the good fight.

This morning I have change for laundry and a small amount of detergent. I will be able to do laundry today. Today. I need to keep saying that over and over again. Today is all I have. Tomorrow isn't here yet and yesterday's gone. God is truly teaching me to live one day at a time.

The song that goes through my head this morning seems to fit my feelings about the whole Mac situation. It's an old gospel song.

I Have Decided to Follow Jesus

I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
No turning back, no turning back.

Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
No turning back, no turning back.

The world behind me, the cross before me;
The world behind me, the cross before me;
The world behind me, the cross before me;
No turning back, no turning back.

Though none go with me, still I will follow;
Though none go with me, still I will follow;
Though none go with me, still I will follow;
No turning back, no turning back.

Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
No turning back, no turning back.

For some reason the story of Lot sprang to mind just now. He was given the order to leave his home with his family so that he might be spared when God destroyed the city. He obeyed. His wife turned around for a brief moment and was turned into a pillar of salt. Lot went on with his two daughters.

Or how about Noah? He was scoffed at and made fun of because he continued to do God's will. His family and two of each kind of animal was saved.

Mac attempted something last night. I got a forward that I did not know how to interpret so I deleted it. I hate being in the same building with him. Last night when Lois and Susan were so slow to show up I wanted to leave. I could not leave out the side door because there was no one to lock it behind me. I could not leave out the front door because I would encounter Mac. I feel like I'm hemmed in a cage. I'd rather avoid a confrontation if at all possible. I'm living in a pressure cooker right now. I'm coming out of some of the depression but my situation is far from being okay. I'm liable to explode if my buttons are pushed. Maybe I should discontinue attending my meetings altogether. But this is the only Al-Anon meeting I'll be able to physically get to. After Monday I won't have transportation any more. This will leave me with only my on-line meeting. I'm already in a hurting position because I don't feel I have an effective spoonsor situation. I can't talk enough to feel better about what is bothering me because it is a topic she can't handle. I don't know what to do.

I keep hearing the same conversation playing over and over in my head. It was one that happened about this time last year. If someone has no interest in me why would he flirt and make an attempt at conversation about dating. I heard more than once that he had never gone out on a date. What was the rational behind that? And why am I remembering it now?