It's unusual for me to feel at peace with the universe but I am. I do not have all that I need to go through with the plans I made for myself but I believe I am where I'm supposed to be. I don't think it was meant for me to do all the things I had planned for this weekend and I am okay with that.

Right now I feel that I can roll with the the punches. I have things to do but they are not pressing. I choose to put my feet up and relax.

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I was sitting in the living room just now. I don't know if I was just thinking about some of the things that have gone on in the last few weeks or if I was meditating. Sometimes I can't tell the difference. At any rate a song came to me and I had to look up the lyrics.

Listen to Your Heart

As sung by Roxette

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Chorus:
Listen to your heart
When he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
There's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
And I don't know why,
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
The feeling of belonging to your dreams.

And there are voices
That want to be heard.
So much to mention
But you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
The beauty that's been
When love was wilder than the wind.

Chorus


I keep thinking about this thing called love. It's easy to think that you choose who you love but I don't believe you can. I think love chooses you. The thing about love is that it has no color, no form, no prejudice, no sight. Love is colorblind. It sees past what a person looks like. It does not register the past- it does not judge you based on your past choices, your mistakes, your wounds. It does not see what you are. It sees who you are. It sees you from the inside out. I think that's how humans should love, but we don't. We're not fully capable of it.
We are too hung up on our own labels. That's why I wish we could do away with labels.

My best friend is black. Who cares? To me she's just Linda. One of her friends back home is bi-sexual. Who cares? I have a friend, who after about 20 years of marriage, decided that she was a lesbian. Who cares? I married someone while he was still in prison. Who cares? The sad things is that people do care. Unless they've evolved beyond thinking within the box they will continue to care about the labels.

The three muskateers that I used to work with in Columbia- Vicki, Mary Joe and Lisa- are an example of seeing beyond labels. Vicki and Lisa are both African American. In doing research for Mary Jo and Vicki I discovered that they were related. I could tell you things about these ladies and you'd wonder how we all came to be friends. It's an unusual friendship to say the least. We do not do things together on a regular basis, never have, but we are there when the chips are down. I guess that's all that matters.

Then there's Elyce, Nefertiti. She is African American. We met while our husbands were in prison together. She's told me some odd things about her past that she feels guilt and shame about. She holds them close to her out of fear.

I could go and on I guess but I won't. The point I'm trying to make is that we need to get beyond the obvious and listen to our hearts. We need to hear what our Higher Power is telling us. Sometimes we have to latch on to the impossible, the illusion, because that is where our path is leading us.