It was a weird kind of day today at work. It seems everyone but me was obsessed with looking at the kids as they paraded down the hall to have their spring pictures taken. I think that they forgot we had students.

Sam seems to appear every time I get near the cafeteria. I'm not so sure what is going on with him. He's likeable but he's far from being independent. I'm not real sure if I want to get involved with him. As a friend I think he'd be okay but I rather doubt he could handle anything more right now.

It was pay day today. That's the one good thing that kept me going. I went to see Dr. Graves for a renewal of my prescription. I told him that the medication calms me down but I'm a little concerned about losing my edge. He assured me that that was okay. Yeah, I guess it is for him because he gets paid for the visit. I don't know about all the medication. I really don't want to be a slave to it for the rest of my life but I'm afraid that I will be.

Mom and Barry were still there when I arrived at Centerstone. Their ride on the Senior Citizen's van had not shown. I gave them a ride home. In some ways I'm glad to do things like that because I want to remain a part of the family. But I'd like to have a less active role in making decisions for them. I don't want to go back to trying to control the things going on with them.

I bought a few things for the cats and my supper and then I came home. I want to go out but I really don't have the energy. My bed is looking pretty good to me right now. But it's just 5:17. It's too early to go to bed. I'd say that I was depressed except for the fact that I'm taking antidepressants. I guess it would be better to say that I'm feeling kind of let down.

You know I'm still a little bummed out about Linda corresponding with the paradox. There was nothing going on between us. It was just a harmless friendship developing. He's fascinated by me as if I were a newly discovered science theory. He has no interest in me otherwise and I was perfectly okay with that. I know he had a choice in the matter the same as she did but it irks me to no end that a friendship is that fragile.

More than anything I miss my phone ringing and people asking if I want to go do something. I miss Mac but I'm afraid to get back into that friendship because his mood swings scare me.

I've given some thought to some things I might do on my own. I just have to build up my courage enough to make the plunge. I like my own company but sometimes I grow a little tired of it.