How Soon is Now

As sung by Love Spit Love

Theme song from Charmed

I am the son
I am the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

I am the son
I am the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Oh, of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet someone who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry
And you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen "now"
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

I watch Charmed sometimes because I like the whole "good versus evil" theme. I also like hearing about "the Greater Good". I'm not exactly sure what "The Greater Good" is but I'd like to think it is love.

This afternoon when I caught the theme song I heard the part "I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does" and I thought maybe it was about self-love or learning to love self. I don't know. There's just something about that part that catches my attention. I am human and I need to be loved. I'm just not willing to settle for scraps any more. I don't expect to be the center of someone's universe but I am unwilling to settle for leftovers. You know what I mean?

I have no idea what the future holds for me and that used to scare me to death. I used to want to know something about the future. These days I'm kinda glad I don't know what's waiting around the corner. I live in the moment now. I don't make plans unless they're important. No point in asking me what I'm going to do tomorrow. Unless it's on the calendar already- I have no idea.

My silly acquaintance, Diane, called tonight. She had her baby a few weeks ago. She named him Xavier after the professor on the X-Men. She has high hopes for this little boy. Times have been difficult for Diane. She's like me- hard headed. We're so different but that little piece of the puzzle is one of the few things we have in common.

I just talked to Linda a few minutes ago. I guess I've gotten over being angry with her. She didn't mean any harm. It's part of the Controlzilla in her. She has free time and she's trying to fill it by making plans for everyone. I finally had to tell her that I was not a problem she needed to fix and that I could make my own plans. I'm doing okay. If I choice to go to some of these upcoming events, then I'll go. If not, I will stay around home. It's just that simple.

As to the paradox- I don't know what happened. I feel like he took offense again. It's as if he wants to flirt with me in private but not really acknowledge that he's doing it. I've really had enough of that kind of behavior. I'm ready for men who openly pursue something. This game we've been playing isn't any fun any more. It's too bad. I really like him. But mostly I find myself missing Mac. It's not about romantic love. It's about friendship between members of the opposite sex. There's a balance there. It felt like we were Will and Grace (if only you knew how much I hated that show while Joey was in prison- you'd know how far I've come to compare myself to it).