The topic for today seems to be risk and change.

My perpetual calendar says,

We make our own ruts.
Change your direction just a little today.
Have a bagel instead of toast
or tea instead of coffee...
drive home on a different route...
learn something new-
and take time to savor the difference.

Then the online Al-Anon group topic is "What risk have you taken this year and what changes have come as a result?" Here is my share on that:

First of all, Dawn, thank you for such a thought provoking topic. I had several unusual thoughts pop in my head. The Frank Sinatra song, "I Did My Way", came to mind. Then the movie, "Risky Business". And last, the Sherly Crow song, "Change Will Do You Good." Before you ask, I have no idea what any of those thoughts really mean.

This has been a year of growth for me. I began 2007 with a lot of reservations. Things weren't going well for me. I'd begun to see a lot of changes and most of them were for the worst. But the thing is that none of those changes were necessarily with me, I was merely reacting again to the alcoholic behavior around me. My gut reaction at the time was to reclaim my life, to break free from the insanity.

I sought out a church home, returning first to what I knew before I came into Al-Anon, but instead found sanctuary in a totally different denomination. I've also become more aware of my Higher Power and how He truly can be everywhere.

I've learned what love is and isn't. I've lost a lot of friends. At times I wasn't even sure I had any. But existing friendships that survived this chaotic year have grown stronger. I've made new friends that appear to be a little more stable. Some friendships have come from this online group. I've learned to accept myself and others.

I began to work on getting my health back on an even keel. During the first three months of the year I went swimming three days a week at a recreation center with an indoor pool. I discovered that I could walk for exercise if I was wearing the right shoes for my poor diabetic feet. I bought a ten speed bicycle to use as an alternative transportation. I'd never owned a ten speed before and I'm a little intimidated by it. It's also been such a long time since I rode a bike that having a helmet on feels like an impediment. LOL

I changed jobs. I make a LOT less but I'm happier. I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. There are a lot of challenges but I feel capable of facing them.

I battled major depression and found a support system vastly different from the one I once had. As a friend of mine says, "It was just God and me" at times. But I now have therapy sessions, RCIA classes for spiritual growth, online meetings, and telephone meetings in addition to f 2f meetings.

I grew in Al-Anon. I stepped up to the microphone at an assembly, trembling and scared, but that old coping mechanism, anger, kept me in tact. I stepped down as GR of my home group because I just couldn't represent such a sick group. I seek my meetings elsewhere while still calling that my home. I pray that serenity will once again find its way to that group of people. And I agreed to chair online meetings even though it is new to me.

I learned to Let Go and Let God. I learned to reach out for help. I let go of pride. I stepped out in faith (without a net). I found strength and serenity. I found myself.

On second thought, maybe I do know why those songs and that movie popped into my head. It was my Higher Power talking to me.

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I went to a meeting tonight at my home group but only because Ruby called to see if I was coming. I'm glad I did. I got to see someone else frustrated with the responsibility of the group. Lois was having a tough time. I also got to see someone who wanted an Al-Anon meeting. Ruby really wanted one.

I thought again about that sign that is on the wall of the AA room. I don't know the exact words but it goes something like this: "Lord, let me remember how to laugh but never let me forget that I cried." So tonight as I chaired because no one else wanted to, our topic was facing the past or remembering the past. Prior to that I'd been focused on the slogan, "Let it begin with me." I guess in a sense I put that to work tonight by letting my own recovery begin with myself rather than focusing on the inventory of those around me.

Tonight I have serenity because I have been minding my own business. When I expressed the amount of serenity I had by enjoying my own company, Lois called me a hermit. I'm not a hermit. I prefer to believe that I have finally begun seeking God to fill that hole inside of me rather than other people or things. I feel blessed.

I was thinking about a song and found the lyrics:

Let There Be Peace on Earth

Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me
Let There Be Peace on Earth
The peace that was meant to be

With God as our Father
Brothers all are we
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.

With ev'ry step I take
Let this be my solemn vow
To take each moment and live
Each moment in peace eternally
Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me
Let There Be Peace on Earth
The peace that was meant to be

With God as our Father
Brothers all are we
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now

With ev'ry step I take
Let this be my solemn vow
To take each moment and live
Each moment in peace eternally
Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me