The Orchestra Song

An Austrian Folk song
From the movie You've Got Mail

Violins:
The violins ringing like lovely singing.
The violins ringing like lovely song.

Clarinets:
The clarinet, the clarinet
Goes doodle doodle doodle doodle dat.
The clarinet, the clarinet
Goes doodle doodle doodle dat.

Trumpets:
The trumpet is braying,
Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta.

Horns:
The horn, the horn
Awakes me at morn.
The horn, the horn
Awakes me at morn.

Drums:
The drums playing two tones
They're always the same tones.
The drums playing two tones.
They're always the same.


For some reason this song popped into my head just now as I read my e-mail from Kenny. I had asked why it was that Mac and Mike seem to want to do my inventory. His response was that this was a good opportunity to practice detachment and leave them alone. I've been actually practicing detachment for some time now from both of them. Periodically I do e-mail Mike but not like I used to. It's very obvious to me that the paradox would rather I disappeared. For some reason or other I bother him. Mac, on the other hand, seems to constantly be reaching out to me. I am tired of the preachy e-mail messages with hidden meaning. I would much rather he talk to me directly and say what is on his mind. But last night I had made a decision to walk away from him. I'd pretty much been doing that for some time.

I'm not sure that these men are friends with each other. It really doesn't matter to me any more. I just would rather not be put in the middle of their stuff.

I think the reason that the song popped into my head is because we each represent a diffent instrument in this orchestra we call life. It's kind of funny to me actually. We're all the same and yet we are each very different. I haven't pondered the reasoning behind either of these men in months. Frankly, I would rather keep it that way. One has still not discovered the meaning of boundaries and the other sets them too rigid. At any rate I have been where they are minus the active alcholism.

Oh, I miss my friendships but I suspect I never actually had a friendship with one of these men and have yet to begin one with the other.

For the record I am not a hermit and I can prove it (not that I really need to prove anything). First of all I do get out of my cave and I participate in life with other people. Last Friday night my brother took me out for supper. Saturday my mother treated me to supper. I have managed to make friends where I worship. I also have a few friends left in the recovery community who allow me to be myself and want my company- Ruby called me Sunday night to make sure I went to a meeting.

This weekend I have plans to attend a basketball game at GCHS, go see a movie at The Martin, and shop for the remainder of my Christmas gifts. Next week I will meet Marian for supper, do lunch with Vicki, Mary Jo and Lisa. Mom and I are planning our Christmas meal. Linda is coming up for New Year's Eve.

I have a life. I just choose who it is that I interact with and where I go. I have options.