Lately I feel as if I'm walking in a daze. Nothing seems real to me any more. But last night when I watched Rock of Love and saw how affected Jes was by Brett's diabetes it dawned on me that I feel this way because I only deal with what is front of me. I haven't been leaping into the future and worrying about all the "what ifs".

When I dealt with all those "what ifs" regarding my heart I found that I activated a self-fulfilling prophesy type scenerio. In other words, I predicted Joey's behavior before it actually occurred. Then I was heart broken because he didn't go against the grain.

The same thing can be said of my job situation. I was hoping I'd get a break with all the expectations. Instead I found more hidden beneath the surface. This county is so behind that they are reaching for anyone who has any experience with different techniques, procedures, etc. Someone I don't even know referred a teacher from another school to me for help with portfolios. I'm not sure how that came about. Then I get saddled with some paperwork that I'm not particularly fond of because someone found out I knew how to do it well. Ugh!