It's very ironic that my perpetual calendar should say what it does given the lyrics I have to share this morning.

Our tears
bring forth the poetry
of our soul.

Last night I went over to Lawrenceburg a lot earlier than I needed to for the meeting because I was bored. I rode through Davy Crockett State Park and looked at nature basically. I still arrived at the meeting house too early but I think that was a God wink as Mark showed up expecting a 7:00 meeting. He almost died when I told him that the meeting was not until 8:00. We had a porch meeting while I waited on the rest of the Al-Anon group to arrive. Good thing. He left as we entered the building for the meeting. Mark is in a bad way. He is desperately unhappy and Lois told him he should leave his wife. He was already thinking about it and it was all he needed to hear. Now he's getting even more aggitated because he's torn.

Mac showed up with Bobby. Bobby stayed on the porch and talked for a while. He showed me his 1 year chip and I hugged him. I talked to him for a while about my computer problems and he asked if I had talked to Mac about it. I had to inform him that Mac and I are barely on speaking terms- his choice, not mine. His entering the building rather than sitting and socializing should have told him that. I have a really bad feeling about Mac. It's not my business and I have side stepped it more than once. He's on his own.

Big Girls Don't Cry

As sung by Fergie

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
[Big Girls Don't Cry lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

La Da Da Da Da Da


I like the part about gaining clarity, peace and serenity. But it also pretty much sums up how I feel about some of my lost friendships.

*************************************************************************************

I'm a little concerned about my new classroom. I am getting behind in paperwork. I need to start staying after school to work on it.

I've come to accept that the cast of characters in this classroom are meant to be. Jennifer is a big asset. She is very capable. She's a little put out that I haven't gotten rid of Rosie. But I think Rosie's supposed to be in this classroom. In some ways he is a liability and I sometimes lose patience with him but he has information on a lot of things that are beneficial to me.

I've got grave concerns about one of my children. His mood swings and change in personality are unreal. I keep waiting for his head to turn all the way around like the girl in The Exorcist. He's got multiple personalities that can be really mean and vulger. But mostly he's a scared little kid. I see and hear it. We've formed some kind of bond. It revolves around religion. I'm not sure why. I've been advised to report what I'm seeing and hearing to DCS but I have no evidence to base any accusations on. I'm also not sure that the administration would back me if I were wrong. I prefer to go through Centerstone because he is on disability. I think they could order a blood test to see what he's been exposed to or if his chemical levels are way off.

I'm a little pissed off about the whole deal with medical equipment. We do not have any of the things that are in these kids' IEPs. That's a potential lawsuit. I also don't have a low enough assessment tool for my newest student. Talk about scraping bottom of the barrel. I'm reinventing the wheel it seems.