I have the oddest feeling that I've just gained some new members to my recovery family. One of the NA members sought me out last night to ask me about a mutual acquaintance. I told him what I knew and learned some information that I wasn't looking for to boot. I also felt impelled to share with him some of the things that I had gone through in the last few months. In return he spoke of his specific other and the need for him to have a program. I gave him my phone number and e-mail address because he asked for it. I sincerely hope his boyfriend will make his way into an Al-Anon meeting. I think I'd greatly benefit from knowing him. I e-mailed our mutual acquaintance and told him that I'd given out his e-mail address. I prepared to be yelled at. But I received a response informing me that he was glad that I had done it.

I can't explain this as it is beyond my understanding but I believe I'm supposed to know these men. I think they are going to become my newest teachers. I spoke of how much I had learned from Kenny and I think I impressed the NA member. I also spoke of the estranged friendship I have with Mac. Linda and I talked about it for a while last night. She still believes that I should cut Mac a break. But I'm having a hard time getting past the fact that he severed our friendship when I needed friends the most. I believe he saw himself as detaching but I see it as something else. I'm in therapy and I'm on antidepressants but still he does not answer my e-mails or phone calls as he used to. As I explained to Linda the friendship was severed without an explanation.

I still have problems. I don't know what to do about any of them. I give them to God and wait. I expect to have some repercussions from some of these problems but I can't worry about that right now. I can only focus on what is front of me or I'll fall back into that well that I've climbed out of.

Last night in our group we talked about our humanity. We're still sick. We still want to "help" our alcoholic loved ones at the expense of our own happiness and health. It was one of the things the NA member and I spoke about. Codependents give and give until there is nothing left of them and we call it love. It is one of the symptoms of those of us who come into Al-Anon. We cease to know where we end and our loved ones begin.