It is often our trials
that measure our inner strength
and beauty.

This is what my perpetual calendar says this morning. It's ironic really. This was the topic of conversation between myself and my sponsor last night.

I actually called her because I needed to talk about what had transpired at school yesterday. I spent the better part of my day dealing with my child that has multiple personalities. He had been badly treated over the weekend. He had numerous cuts on his body from a broken window and an attack by a sibling. I wound up with him in my lap holding him close and listening to him ramble about such horrible things. I can't sing worth a lick but I found myself rocking him in my lap and singing. I couldn't think of a single appropriate song for school (separation of church and state) and wound up singing songs I'd learned in church when I was a child. From my observation (and I'm no expert by any stretch of the imagination) I'd say this child was born normal and his disability is a result of mistreatment.

It makes me angry. Here I am not able to have children of my own and I have to watch as a woman churns out baby after baby to mistreat and collect a disability check on. It just burns me up! If I could have brought that child home with me I would have.

It also makes me a little sad because the home has been investigated more than once. Nothing is ever done about it. My understanding is that DCS always calls the family before they visit. That gives them ample time to get their stories straight and to clean up. I spoke to my sponsor about it for a while last time. I thought if I went through Centerstone (mental health) rather than DCS they could investigate without forewarning. Since the child receives a disability check he falls under their jurisdiction.

I'm forming some sort of weird bond with this child. I'm not sure why I can get through to him while the others have fallen short. But for some reason he has become attached to me. It breaks my heart all the more.

By the end of today I may be a basket case. I plan on going to a meeting Lawrenceburg tonight. I think my sponsor may be attending also. I really wish her son would come back to meetings on Tuesday night. I miss seeing him.

Gratitude list for today-

A- Al-Anon, Awakenings
B- Breakfast
C- Cats, Christy because she delivered the paperwork I needed yesterday, clean clothes, cable
D- Dryer, Downy
E- E-mail, electricity
F- Faith, fan
G- God
H- Home
I- Internet, iron and ironing board
J- Joe, Joey, job
K- Kenny, kittens
L- Linda
M- Mom, Marian, music
N- Notes taped to my wall with inspirational sayings on them
O- Optimism
P- Prayer
Q- Quedarrius
S- Sanctuary, serenity, sanity
T- Telephone, truck, TV
U- Unconditional love
V- Values
W- Walking
X- Xena
Y- Yolanda
Z- ZZZZZZZZZ- after talking to my sponsor I got a good night's sleep