I got up this morning with the same mindset as I did yesterday. I'm not going to Sumatanga. I feel like I need to send an explanation to Alice and Mickey. How do I explain that my instincts are telling me to stay home?

When I got up I discovered all that meowing that Cocoa kept up last night was because she had gotten sick. I had to clean the bathroom and I saw where she got sick in two other rooms. She's like my child. I may have to take her to vet but she seems fine now.

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A lot is said about detachment in our 12-step program. But do any of us really know what it means? In one of the Al-Anon daily readers detachment is simply summed up as “minding my own business.” But have you ever really looked up the word?

The word “detachment” comes from the root “detach”, which means to separate, disconnect, remove, sever, unfix, or unfasten. “Detachment” means separation or isolation.

I did not begin looking at the word “detachment” until I began looking at the many synonyms for the word “sanctuary”. Here is a list of the synonyms for that:

Refuge Shelter Relief
Safe haven Cover
Safe harbor Protection
Retreat Security
Asylum Defense

It was the word “retreat” that first caught my eye because I had been getting ready to go to an Al-Anon retreat. One of the meanings for the word “retreat” is “to withdraw”. That was what led me to the detachment.

Apparently the only way to have sanctuary is to withdraw or detach. But what am I withdrawing or detaching from? I can’t detach or withdraw from myself. No matter where I go, there I am. I can withdraw from life but it does not cease to exist, it continues with or without me. I can’t withdraw from my problems. They will not merely fade away. So, what is it that I am seeking sanctuary from?

I look to my list of synonyms again and I see the words, “defense” and “relief”. Now it begins to make more sense to me. Sanctuary offers me a relief from my burdens. I am able to sit in peace and rest. Sanctuary offers me a defense tool. While I am in this quiet place I may commune with God in prayer. I think of “still waters”. I think of Him restoring my soul.

The synchronicity of all this is that I look at my perpetual calendar and it says:

A soul is like
The surface of a lake-
When it is still,
It mirrors the beauty all around it.

Wow! I can envision the still waters and the silence. I feel safe and secure. That brings me to the synonyms, “protection” and “security”. That puts me in mind to a phrase I used to hear frequently in my childhood. I watched a lot of Tarzan movies. In one of the popular series he would say, “ This is my domain, and I protect those who come here, for I am Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle.” As a child I wanted to feel safe and secure. I wanted to feel loved.

So, here I am in my fourth year of recovery and I’m about to make a monumental connection. God is like Tarzan. When I enter into contemplative prayer and communicate with my Higher Power, I am in His domain and He will protect me.

I don’t have to travel to a retreat to have this. My sanctuary is wherever I choose it to be. I can communicate with God anywhere. I also do not have to withdraw from people to achieve serenity. It’s not what I withdraw from but rather where I withdraw to. I withdraw to God’s loving embrace. There in lies my refuge.