Yesterday I received an e-mail from one of the on-line Al-Anon members concerning my share from Sunday. She thanked me for "being real". I find that odd. But then I think about something that my friend Linda tells me- my mask doesn't fit any more.

I spent a lot of time hiding from the truth and hiding the truth from others. Because of that the truth has grown so big that I can't hide it any more. It is bulging and escaping from the closet that it was shoved into and the bed that it was pushed under. The truth is that I'm scared and extremely insecure a lot of the time. That lost, neglected child that I've tried to grow beyond is still very present. I try to bluff my way through the day and pretend that I'm confident and capable but the truth is that a lot of the time I feel overwhelmed and out of my depth.

My perpetual calendar says:

When you let go
of worry and fear,
the rhythm of life as it is
will dance you to lightness and clarity.

I'm beginning to understand what that means. I've been stepping out in faith and trying to let go of things so that my Higher Power can take care of them for me rather than trying to handle them myself. I believe the antidepressants have calmed me down enough to see how messed up I really was.