Help!

As sung by the Beatles

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.


For some reason this song popped into my head this morning. I guess, my theme for the summer is going to be seeking and asking for help. I need a lot of it.

Last night I talked to one of my cousins who is in recovery. He sounded like he was doing better. But then, he's one that can fake his way through things. I sincerely hope he is doing as well as he sounds. I talked to him about various family issues and then I got down to the reason for calling. I had heard him say some time back that he had been molested as a child and I was curious to see if it was by the same family member that I believe molested my brother and me. It was! I told him vaguely what I remembered from my childhood and asked him to keep it to himself because my memory is a little shaky at best. I don't want to accuse someone of doing something if I'm wrong. But a lot of what he had to tell me jived with what I remembered. We also talked of our family's history of mental illness and how it has affected us over the years. It is good to talk to someone who does not try to cover up feelings. I was glad that I reached out to my younger cousin.

I also talked to my sponsor at length last night. I've become somewhat of an oddity to her because one day I'm up and the next day I'm not. Sometimes my mood changes in midstream. I told her that I have an appointment to talk to a counselor from Centerstone soon and that I really felt like right now I need the extra talk time. She had no idea that I had ever sought counseling of any kind. Just as I thought she viewed me as real fruit cake she informed me that she did not think I was crazy but that I was in a bad way (in so much pain). I was grateful that I called her.

I've said that my mother and brother's problems may take a village. Mine may, too. I don't know what it is that I'm grieving over but I really think I'm going through grief right now.