Good morning.

This topic sent me in circles. I'm an analyzer. First I thought of an old cheer from when I was in school but I couldn't remember all the words. All I could remember was, "Are you ready for.....?" Then I thought of the song they play at athletic events and dance events, "Are you ready for this?" And how about, "Are you ready to rumble?"

All of that sounded pretty negative to me until I looked at the word readiness and how I felt about it. It boils down to two things for me- willingness and prepared. I thought of what people say before a race, "Get ready. Get set. On your mark. Go!" Willingness to begin the journey. Willingness to take that leap of faith. Willingness to change old attitudes. Prepared for whatever my Higher Power has in store for me. Prepared for journey- I've got my tools. Prepared for where the journey leads me, no matter how rocky or weird my path may get. Wow! What a concept!

Then I thought of something else. I taught special education up until this year (I'm trying to get back in it) and I coached Special Olympic athletes even though, I myself, am not an athlete. I can't walk and chew bubble gum at the same time. Any way, I remember how inspired I was when I watched these phenomenal people. I love their oath that they take at the beginning. Have you ever heard it? It's, "Let me win. But if I can not win, let me brave in the attempt." How's that for ready?

And of course, that train of thought led me to Don Quixote, my hero. He's referred to in one of our daily readers, ODAT, p. 293. Most people only regard him as an insane man who chased an impossible dream. We all remember him tilting at windmills which is what the CAL reading is about. I think Walt Disney's cartoon depiction of him has a lot to do with that. But if you've ever read the classic or watched "Man of La Mancha" the play version of the book, you know that the story is about something else. It's about readiness. Sure, his dream to become a knight was laughable because he lived in an age when knights no longer existed. It was the concept he strove for really. The idea that one man could make a difference.

So what does he do? He changes his name. He goes from being Alonzo Quijano to Don Quixote. He prepares, makes ready for the journey. He finds a servant, Sancho Panza, who is willing (ready) to accompany him on his journey so that he will be safe. Sancho is also willing to go along with Quixote's madness. He digs in his attic and comes up with some ancient, rusty armor that belonged to his grandfather. He patches the holes, polishes the rust spots and makes himself a helmet until he can find one more suitable. Then he goes out in his community and he secures a horse. Now the horse is not the picture of health- it's underfed, skinny and has sores where maggots and lice have lived. Prepared. He's got it going on. He ignores the reality of the situation and forges ahead. He steps out on faith.

I'm not sure which character qualified for Al-Anon first Don Quixote or his trusted squire, Sancho Panza. But look at that picture. I came into Al-Anon ready for something different. I was depressed and angry. I just wanted to feel better. Like this silly character, I didn't have the proper tools. I also had become disconnected with reality. But I continued on the journey.

You know, if you read the classic you see a transformation. He goes from appearing weak and insane to seeming healthier, strong and noble. That's the way Special Olympic athletes transform after the opening ceremony and it's how we transform in Al-Anon. We go from being sad and lonely to being happy and we accummulate a huge family in recovery.

Readiness- what a wonderful concept!

That was the share I submitted this morning to the online Al-Anon meeting I attend. In case it's not evident, the topic was readiness. I had another thought come to me a little while ago. I don't know what connection it has to Don Quixote but I shared it with my friend, Mac. He's finally gotten over being angry at me.

Here's that thought:

I thought of something that happened 13 years ago when I moved back here from Murfreesboro. It's kind of a weird thought but it shows how far I've come in my attitude toward other people.

One day I took Mom to Reeves Drug Store to get her prescription filled. I stayed in the car (I had a little red Toyota at that time.)while she went into the store. There came a commotion on the street and I stepped out of the car to see what the stir was about. A man dressed in fish net stockings, stellettos, hot pants, and a tank top walked across the street. He had on a blond wig and was strutting his stuff. His mission was to get into Meryl Norman to buy some makeup.

Everyone and their mother came out of the stores to get a look at him. I even heard someone walk up to the mayor and ask if he could have the man arrested. The mayor's response was that the man was not breaking any laws and for everyone to leave him alone.

Shortly after that the stranger came out of Meryl Norman and sat on one of the benches in front of the store. He was basking in the attention he was getting.

At the time I thought, where does he get the nerve? Meaning, "How dare he!" Now, I think, where did he get the nerve? But this time my thinking on the subject is, "Wow, he accepts himself for who he is and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Wish I had that kind of nerve."

When I think about that I wonder where it was that I lost the lesson I'd learned from my friend Mark. Then I believe I know. I had not lost the lesson. I had never learned it. You can't unlearn what has never been taught to you. Mark was not totally comfortable with himself. Yes, he dyed his hair and occasionally wore makeup or dressed a little feminine but it was the '80's and lots of kids were doing that. I think Joey fell into that time slot too. He used to put on makeup and dress up like a Goth.

I guess what I admire about people like that, Don Quixote included, is that they aren't afraid to be themselves. Nor are they afraid of what others will think of them. That's one of my fears. Self-love takes care of a large portion of that. But I'd never been taught self-love. So when an example of how that works was staring me in the eye, I didn't see it for what it was- one of life's lessons.

Another thing came to me. I was questioned by the deacon as I exited the building today. His line of questioning had to do with my marital status. His question was, had I ever been married? Yes. Was it a death or a divorce? Divorce. Was my former spouse a Christian. No. Then came what I took as a sign of relief. He explained that it made the RCIA classes a lot easier because we would not have to go through the annullment process. There's more to this than just classes though. I can't quite put my finger on it but I think there's something in the wind.

But you know even that line of questioning brought up a Joey memory. He used to take me apart piece by piece when he was drinking or craving his drugs. Nothing I ever did was right. He even had something to say about my belief in God. He argued that there was no such thing as God. I argued back on several occasions to no avail. The arguments sometimes bordered on violence I generally just walked off and left him to stew in his own misery.

A while ago I was prompted to put in an episode of Touched by an Angel. In the episode one of the angels tells a character to trust God. That he was limiting God due to his lack of trust. I have been doing that myself. Wonder if all these memories and occurances are somehow connected? Time will tell.

Forgot to mention yesterday's occurances. That at-loose-ends Al-Anon member and I went back to the Heritage Festival yesterday. Nothing seemed to go right. But it fit into what I'd read that day about expectations. I'd read once again that expectations were premeditated resentments but I'd also read that it was okay to have expectations as long as we let go of the outcome. I had a good day whereas my Al-Anon cohort did not. I prayed to see people in recovery that I knew from the Lawrenceburg group and I did. I saw two Al-Anon members and an AA. The AA was the one my cohort was pining for. He was with his girlfriend, which burst her bubble. One of the Al-Anon members was one that I'd been thinking about. I wanted to ask her about a possible job. I got all the information last night. She may well be the answer to my prayers. The other Al-Anon member was the one I'd seen the night before. We didn't get a chance to speak at all. All in all I thought I had a very good day. I got out of my house and went to a free event. I carried snacks and $4 to spend. I came home with one dollar and some change. How's that for a cheap adventure?

Song of the day - substitute the love of God in the equation rather than romantic love:

Power of Love

As sung by Huey Lewis and the News

The power of love is a curious thing
Make a one man weep, make another man sing
Change a hawk to a little white dove
More than a feeling that's the power of love

Tougher than diamonds, rich like cream
Stronger and harder than a bad girls dream
Make a bad one good make a wrong one right
Power of love that keeps you home at night

Chorus 1:
You don't need money, don't take fame
Dont need no credit card to ride this train
It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes
But it might just save your life
That's the power of love
That's the power of love

First time you feel it, it might make you sad
Next time you feel it it might make you mad
But you'll be glad baby when you've found
That's the power makes the world goround

Chorus 2 :
And it don't take money, don't take fame
Don't need no credit card to ride this train
It's strong and it's sudden it can be cruel sometimes
But it might just save your life

They say that all in love is fair
Yeah, but you don't care
But you know what to do
When it gets hold of you
And with a little help from above
You feel the power of love
You feel the power of love
Can you feel it ?
Hmmm

Chorus 3:
It don't take money and it don't take fame
Don't need no credit card to ride this train
Tougher than diamonds and stronger than steel
You wont feel nothin' till you feel
You feel the power, just the power of love
That's the power, that's the power of love
You feel the power of love
You feel the power of love
Feel the power of love