I have risen but I am far from shining this morning. I could use some more sleep but I have a very neurotic cat that kept pouncing on my head. So, I am up.

I've already sent in the latest topic for the Awakenings group. I wrestled with myself over what I wanted to present. I thought about my favorite reading from Hope for Today, p. 47. I also thought about using the topic of loneliness as so many conversations have been about it the last few days, including my own. I thought also about the topic of obstacles. Finally, I went back to the principles of the program and saw that the principle associated with Step One is honesty. I found a question in the Blueprint for Progress that fit and ran with it.

It's the perfectionist rearing her ugly head. I just don't want to screw this up. You know what I mean? On the other hand, I'm completely anonymous. These people don't know me. What do I care what they think of me? And yet, for some odd reason, I do. I've still got too much ego at work within me or as Deacon Mike says, "too much of self." But I'm working on it.

I've actually been receiving steady e-mail from the paradox. I haven't quite figured out why but I'm glad. I've missed talking to him. I've miss the sarcastic wit. Bless his heart, he's as much a troubled soul as I am and yet we both have a level of serenity. I wish I could somehow introduce him to the deacon. He'd find a lot of guidance there. I have.

I had two phone calls from Nefertiti yesterday. Each one was thankfully interrupted by a phone call from Mom. Nefertiti has issues. I can only listen and share ESH. But she's got to want to work on herself and leave poor Calvin and his family out of it. She's got the Blame Game going on. I recognize it because I used to play it myself. Sometimes I slip and go back to the game.

The Al-Anon district meeting is today. I really don't want to go. I just don't have an interest in such things any more. It seems to me that sometimes all this service work distracts from the real program. I spoke with Thelma about that last night. I also confided to her that I have nothing to take for the luncheon. I'm not going to attempt to take anything either. It's insanity to spend money that I don't have on an item for a luncheon that I'm really not into.

Pay day is Tuesday. I can't wait! I'll be broke when it's over but at least I will have gotten rid of some of the dark clouds hanging over my head. I'm seriously thinking of only paying one of my truck payments and letting the truck go at the end of this month. It's the only way I know to catch up on the rest of my bills. I've been blessed to keep the truck this long. I just don't know how I can afford to keep it any longer.

Here I am almost 12 hours from when I wrote the first part of this blog. I've been to mass and a district meeting. I'm kind of burnt out on the whole Al-Anon thing. I really do think I'd rather just be a member working my program rather than an officer of some type. I guess that sounds wimpy of me but I went backwards while attempting to do that kind of service work.

Since I've been home I've caught the last half of the movie "Boys on the Side". I love this movie even if I struggle to remember the name of it. The love between the characters played by Whoopi Goldberg and Mary Louise Parker are reminiscent of the love found in "The Color Purple" with Miss Celie and Shug Avery or "Fried Green Tomatoes" between Idgie and Ruth. I guess in a way it illustrates the love I have for my friends. The song that Whoppie sings to Mary Louise at the end of the movie is one of my all time favorites. I think it could be used as a love song for the family or friendships. My bff and I discussed this. We're are in agreement about the movie. It is how we feel about each other- we're closer than sisters.

Anything You Want

As sung by Roy Orbison

Every time I look into your lovely eyes,
I see a love that money just can't buy.
One look from you, I drift away.
I pray that you are here to stay.

Anything you want, you got it.
Anything you need, you got it.
Anything at all, you got it.
Baby!

Every time I hold you I begin to understand,
Everything about you tells me I'm your man.
I live my life to be with you.
No one can do the things you do.

Anything you want, you got it.
Anything you need, you got it.
Anything at all, you got it.
Baby!
Anything you want
Anything you need
Anything at all

I'm glad to give my love to you.
I know you feel the way I do.
Anything you want, you got it.
Anything you need, you got it.
Anything at all, you got it.
Baby!

Anything you want, you got it
Anything you need, you got it
Anything at all, you got it
Baby
Anything at all
Baby
You got it


My ex wrote me. It's kind of strange to get letters with him calling himself my friend. I bear him no ill feeling but I feel so far removed from who I was when I was with him. It's very hard to explain. I wish him well and that is all.