The past few days I've gotten suckered into a debate with the paradox over one of the most trivial things imaginable - the meaning behind the songs that pop into our heads. We each have the right to our own opinion. I can't believe that I allowed him the luxury of underminding my program. Geez, Louise. Why do I even care what he thinks?

I've got enough problems these days without getting sidetracked into silly stuff. It makes one wonder why he would go from not communicating at all, to just a few words, to whole paragraphs? If I stopped to analyze it (major character defect) I would make myself sick. So after a week of exchanged e-mails, I've let it go.

I can't help but think that there's more going on than just songs popping into his head. This is the first time that he's actually started an argument with me. Normally he zings me and runs. He's kept coming back for more.

I love the man but, great day in the morning, he tapped danced on my last nerve. I wish he'd just come out and say whatever is on his mind. It's not songs.

Any way, this whole thing did give me food for thought. I am signed up to chair the Awakening meetings for the month of January. Tomorrow will be my first attempt at chairing on-line. I guess the perfectionist in me is coming out. I'm a little nervous and worried about screwing up. I had a million different things going through my head as topics. But this bout with the paradox put me back into analyzing things. So, I thought I'd start with that and then I saw something else- Step One. I'm powerless over this man- his behavior, his opinion, his lack of interest in me or his apparent interest if that is the case. So I searched until I found a reading in Having Had a Spiritual Awakening... and found a jump off point and a question. I'm just not sure if it would be breaking guidelines. So, I sent a query to the person who is over all of that and I await an answer.

Thelma is getting her home e-mail hooked up as I type. She wanted to be able to maintain contact with people while she recuperated from her surgery. Nefertiti has asked for Thelma's home address so that she can send her a get well card. I asked permission before I gave it. I'm getting better at respecting boundaries. There may be hope for me yet.

For some reason the words to the Kansas song, "Carry on My Wayward Son" popped into my head just now. Then I read the ACIM workbook lesson and it began to make a little sense.

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PATHWAYS OF LIGHT
ACIM WORKBOOK LESSON
HEALING PERSPECTIVES
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Lesson 196:
"It can be but myself I crucify."
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I see today's lesson as very empowering. It is teaching me that all
power is in me. There is nothing external to me that can harm me. Nothing,
no exceptions. This puts me fully in charge of my experience and it
eliminates all belief in enemies. There is no external force in any form
to battle against. There is nothing to defend against. All fear, all
pain, all sorrow and guilt are products of my own thinking.

Since they come from my thinking, I can be free of them by changing my
thinking. I need no external help but I do need to be willing to accept
the Help that is in my mind, ready to teach me the difference between
true and false, real and unreal. My freedom does not wait on time. It
waits only on my willingness to let the Holy Spirit in my mind show me
the Love behind all the forms of fear I have imagined. My own thoughts
are the cause of all my distress.

In this world, we are taught and taught again that we must protect
ourselves from myriad external forms of danger. Now we are being encouraged
to recognize the true source of that perceived danger -- our own
thoughts. No longer need we be helpless victims. Our power is recognized
once again as we accept that it is our own thoughts that are the cause and
that we have the power to change our thoughts.

This is perhaps the most difficult part of changing our mind. We have
so thoroughly taught ourselves that our thoughts are powerless that we
need help in recognizing the falsity of this teaching. By the grace of
God we have that Help. It is the Holy Spirit in our minds. He needs only
our willingness to open to His teaching for Him to bring us the gift
of new perception that shows us our strength, our innocence and our
safety.

With His vision we see that only Love is real, that God is our Friend
and our Father. Now we can walk with confidence and peace, knowing that
God goes with us wherever we go. We always have a Friend Who will show
us the truth, Whom we can trust.

I have great gratitude for today's idea, for by it I am able to
recognize my true Strength, my Self, and recognize that I am not an ego. I am
in truth the extension of Love that I was created to be.


This lesson reminds me how important it is to really look at the
thoughts that I am putting my belief in. It is these thoughts that create my
experience. As long as I continue to believe that something outside is
the cause of my experience, I am denying my salvation and putting up a
barrier against God.

It is only the ego's thought system that generates the idea that there
is anything outside myself. My job now is to expand my willingness to
remember that it is always an inside job. As I am willing to monitor my
thoughts, I will soon learn to recognize when I am joining with the ego
thought system. Joining with this thought system is the same as
crucifying myself.

The Course tells me that it does not take a thousand years to undo the
ego thought system. The time is shortened when I am willing to look at
ego thoughts and take them to the Holy Spirit to be undone. This needs
to be my consistent practice, the one habit that I consistently apply
to every concern, every anxiety, every circumstance where I am not in
peace.

In reality, the world is nothing. My belief in separate bodies comes
only from my joining with the ego thought system. It is only my thoughts
that give a world "outside" me any meaning. I can practice today
letting the Holy Spirit give the world all the meaning it has for me today.