I'm not sleeping well at night. I don't know if it's the naps I sometimes have to take in order to feel better or if it's the worrying. I'm a bit anxious about today. I'm sure the out going assistant is going to have problems with her transfer but it has nothing to do with me. I was not the one who started the discention. I'm also a little concerned about how a new schedule and yet another new person will affect the children. That was one of the reasons I did not ask for a substitute for today for the lifting. I'm seriously thinking about cancelling the sub for the rest of the week. It may wind up being a mistake but it's my back- no one else's is being hurt. I began to have a little concern about bills again, too. I have no way of knowing how much this first paycheck will be and I'm behind in everything. I won't have any money left when it's all said and done.

Got to turn this all over to God or I won't make it through the day. Thankfully, I have a therapy session this afternoon.

Meeting last night was pretty good. It was just Mark and me. I think that's the most he's ever talked. Bless his heart. He is miserable. Hate to say it but it did me some good to hear that I'm not the only one struggling with life. So often we aren't "real" in these meetings.

School went well up until about the last hour when our drama queen began to perform for the people arriving to pick up children. New assistant in place. He seems out of his element but he's good with the children. He's very patient.

Therapy went okay but I learned that come September I'll no longer have my therapist. I'm being rerouted to a group with another therapist. That kind of sucks but it might be good for me.

My therapist told me I need to be a little more assertive to get my needs met. If I'm lonely I need to tell friends that I'd appreciate a phone call about once a week or an e-mail to say, "Hi, how are you?" As it stands right now, my phone only rings when someone wants something from me. I get lonely sometimes and would just like to hear a friendly voice on the other end.

This song began going through my head just now:

Heart Don't Fall Now

As sung by Sawyer Brown

Here she(he) comes again, but me and you
We're gonna close the door
We won't her (him) in, we're not gonna do it, like we've done before
Stay here with me, keep a steady beat
But not to loud, she (he) might be listening

Chorus
Oh heart, don't fall now
If you do I might never bring you back around
Heart take it slow, don't let her (him) know
Just how much we really need her (him) now
Heart, don't fall now

She (He) can break me down but she (he)won't get through
If you'll be on your guard, when she (he) reaches out
Oh, I'm counting on you, not to fall apart
Here comes that touch
We've been missing for such a long, long time
I feel you giving in

Chorus

You'll pull it off some how
This can be our finest hour
Ah, heart without you
I might not get through it
Don't know if I can do it

Repeat Chorus Three Times