I'm working on a lot of issues today. First, I feel claustrophobic and confined in my new classroom. The only staff member returning to the classroom felt like a Godsend but I'm beginning to see her as a hinderence. It's not that I am afraid to change or, in this case, opposed to change. In this case, I feel as if the ghost of the previous teacher is still haunting the classroom. I have to look at what the Serenity Prayer says. What can I change about this situation? I can change how the class is run in a few ways here and there and I can change my attitude about the things that the previous teacher did. If it's not broke, I don't need to fix it. I need to work on my attitude. I can stop judging the previous teacher as anal rententive and full of OCD behavior and accept what he had in place. If I see things that I can change like the kind of activities that we do to expand what is already in place, I can ease in to them.

Second, I am having to adjust to a new school system. They don't do things like they I'm used to. The specialists- the PT, OT, speech teacher, etc. are not hired in by the county. They are contracted through NHC. I'm told we won't be seeing much of them. That pisses me off. My kids deserve to have services. It's not enough to have the services down on paper. I'd like to see actual bodies show up in the classroom at a specified time in the time that is required. It's a faulty system but it's the only system we've got. What can I change here? I can wait and see if the information I've been given is correct before I pass judgment or get angry. If the things I've been told are correct, I can continue my plan to make activities that will meet those goals and order materials for these children.

Third, I do not trust people. It's mostly men I have an issue with but there are a few women in the mix that I have a lack of trust for, too. My issue with men is that they are not honest. I don't believe they can be faithful to just one person. I don't believe that they can be trusted period. Once again I'm exercising that huge muscle of mine called passing judgment and I'm basing it on the actions of my exhusband. I also have no trust for a few women that I know. Their behavior in the past year has left me to believe that they are underhanded and backstabbers. Now the sad part to all that is that if I see it in them, I must have the same faults to a certain extent or it would not bother me so much. What can I change? Well, I can begin by allowing each male I come into contact with to be themselves without comparing them to Joey. Until they do something to prove that they are untrustworthy I should not assume that that is the case. In the case of the women, I can accept that they are who they are and examine my own actions.