This was the e-mail that I sent out to my support system today.

Here is what I have accomplished today:

I have signed all the paperwork and have been fingerprinted for my new teaching job. My insurance will roll over because it is identical so I should not have any gaps in coverage as I pursue doctor appointments.

I have tendered my resignation via e-mail to my old school. I spoke with the principal on the telephone this morning. She was very supportive and complimentary of me. It made me feel pretty good about leaving that position. I still have a lot of love for the people who work at that school. They were my family and support system before I found recovery. VH, MJM and LA will always be considered as my sisters. If they had not come to my aid a few weeks ago that mess with Mom would have spiraled out of control.

My therapist and I widened the plan that I worked out this weekend with LT. I have been to the Help Center. This was not something I wanted to do but with no income coming in since May I had no other choice. I have no idea how much the paycheck from Impact will be when I receive it on the 13th. But it is already promised to the landlord.

I have an appointment to receive some groceries from the Help Center tomorrow at 10:30. I went to DHS and I did qualify for food stamps for this month and next month. I should receive a card in 3-5 days. I was also given the assignment to find an agency to help me pay my electric bill. I was referred to South Central. I haven't been to see them yet. I first need to go by the electric company (per my therapist) to see if they have some sort of payment plan already in place through them before I go to South Central. DHS also suggested that I speak with the Help Center before I attempt South Central.

It is doubtful that I will be able to keep my telephone. There is no agency that will assist with that. I will continue to use the telephone and the internet here from home as long as AT&T allows me to. After that all e-mails will come to you from visits to the library or from my new classroom. I have a cell phone as you know but I only have 150 minutes on it right now. So, I do have a telephone for emergencies.

My therapist is in agreement with me I am now in the survival mode. She believes that I am a canidate for antidepressants and she thought I might qualify for a caseworker of my own but when she looked at the type of insurance I have she quickly ruled out the caseworker. I have two more appointments scheduled with her for this month due to the nature of my situation and she has moved the medical evaluation up to August 11th (a Saturday). At present we are working on trying to establish short term goals for myself without the aid of medication (her idea not mine).

I spoke with her about the situation with Mom and Barry. She doesn't think that the caseworker has grounds to pursue a case against me for neglect, abuse or financial exploitation. However, because that is no longer a viable emotional support system for me I am to try to set up a stronger support system for myself. Or as she put it, I am not an island. I can not get by on my own will power any more. I explained to her that I tenatively have a support system in place already. She says that I need to re-examine that system and if it is not strong enough I am to try a different route.

She is in agreement with me about letting go of a large portion of my service work for now because I am of no use to anyone at present. She says that if anyone gives me flack about it I am to tell them where to get off. Right now I have to stay focused on myself because I am in crisis. I can still do some service work such as handling phone calls and e-mails. If someone would step up as an alternate I could also continue doing some things for my group. Last night I initiated a joint endeavor with an NA member on behalf of an Al-Anon. I felt pretty good about that considering which NA member stepped forward to help me. You'd be extremely surprised at that one. It took me by surprise at least.

Tomorrow EK will be driving me to Columbia so that I can turn in my keys to my old classroom there, return text books to that room, stop by the central office to wrap up some loose ends (my therapist does not think cashing in my retirement is a good option at all because it will put more financial penalties on me) and by Impact to get a copy of my latest TB skin test that is needed for my new teaching job.

I have my work cut out for me. My new principal wants me to stop by the school to become acquainted with my new classroom, too.

I'm going to start getting up early in the morning before it gets hot and start walking from my home to the school to see how long it takes me to do that. The truck may wind up back at the dealership. I won't be able to make payments and will lose it. So, I need to start getting back into the groove of walking these hills here again.

Things are not bright and cheerful but they are looking better.

EK and I had a long, long talk last night before the meeting on the phone and in the front room. We've each had resentments against each other and I think now that that is out in the open we can be friends again. We are both going through a rough time. We are both in the survival mode. I have some things that I can help her with and she has some things that she can help me with. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Sunday I will step down as district secretary and I plan to step down as GR if no one will step up as an alternate. It may mean that our group operates without a GR for a while. No one is willing to step up due to all the problems that have occurred in the last year and some feel they do not have enough time in the program to take on the responsibility. We'll see what happens. It won't my problem any more.