Today's thought from Hazelden is:

In Micronesian, there's a word, kukaro, which has no corresponding word in English. When people say they are going to kukaro, they mean they are going to relax, sit around, and hang out. They are being, not doing.
--Eli and Beth Halpern

As children, our best times are often trips to an amusement park, fishing at the lake, camping, or just sitting idly under a tree. These make the best memories, and times sitting around a campfire roasting marshmallows or having a root beer after a family outing seem to bring out the love we share.

We don't seem to be accomplishing anything at these times. No chores are getting done around the house, no schoolwork, no repairs, and no moneymaking.

But these times of peace, relaxation, and a sense of endless time of being, not doing, may be essential to our ability to get other things done later. Certainly we are most receptive to our feelings, new ideas, and unplanned adventures at these moments. Maybe we should add kukaro to our vocabulary.

What timeless thing can I do today?


The Hazelden reading spoke volumes about how I was feeling about today's festivities. I really don't want to do anything that requires energy. I don't have any. I've already been back to bed this morning and slept for an hour. Worrying about things takes all of my energy. But more than anything it is that same message that I keep getting from God- "Be Still." I feel like I need to sit in the silence of the day and just wait for Him to speak to me. I want to be with people but I don't want to have to entertain them. I want to be able to sit in the silence of their company and be at peace.

This morning the song that sprang to mind was from the movie The Color Purple. I'm not sure why it came into my head. I felt impelled to send it to my new on-line sponsee. I have no idea what her situation is but somehow I feel a kinship with her.

Miss Celie's Blues

Sister, you've been on my mind
Oh sister, we're two of a kind
So sister, I'm keeping my eyes on you
I bet you think I don't know nothing
But singing the blues
Oh sister, have I got news for you
I'm something
I hope you think that you're something too

Oh scuffling, I been up that lonesome road
And I seen a lot of suns going down
Oh but trust me
Now low liege's gonna run me around
So let me tell you something, sister
Remember you name
No twister, gonna steal your stuff away
My sister
We share ain't got a whole lot of time
So shake you shimmy
Sister
Cause honey, this song is feeling fine


I'm going to write to Joey and ask him to call me. I feel the necessity to talk to him right now. I guess I want to hear that he's getting his life together and that all the things that were done to help him were not done in vain. It would ease some of the burden I feel. I'd also like to hear from his point of view what my insanity looked like.

I finally got over the paralyis about what to do about the IRS and the bankruptcy trustee. I have typed a letter to them to be put in the mail the next day or two. I don't know if they will accept what I have written but I don't care any more. I still don't know what to do about the black truck and the Gibson brothers.

All I know is that I am tired of being worried.

I've been thinking about a lot of things today. I watched Anna and the King. I saw a lot of messages about acceptance, love, faith, and hope. To love someone that you can not have, who might not love you, and accept this is a monumental thing. It happens daily. It just seems so unfair. Do we choose who we love or is that predestined? Do our paths cross at the wrong time or do we merely meet when the lesson we need to learn is in the forefront of our mind?

I will be so glad when this summer is over. I'm tired of thinking and feeling but one of my books today told me that until I opened myself up to all my feelings I would never know the real presence of God. I have to face all of them and let them go. I don't know what to think about any of that. All I know is that I am drowning in my own feelings just like I was a few months ago.