Angel

As sung by Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There’s always some reason to feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

Chorus
In the arms of an angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of an angel, may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference, escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

Chorus


I'm holding on by a thread today. I really do need a guardian angel to comfort me today. I'm having a hard time focusing on what I have in front of me. I keep being distracted by tomorrow's worries.

It's amazing to me what messages God is sending me this weekend. Yesterday I was reading in one of the books I bought at the flea market last weekend. It was one by Charles Swindoll. It spoke of how God does not promise us a life free from hard times. There were a lot of references to Job as you can probably imagine. Then this morning the reading in the bulletin at church was along the same lines.

I don't know if I've told you that I now have a mentor with A Course in Miracles (ACIM). Her name is Liz. She sends me periodic lessons and I also get them from two other sources- Circle of Atonement and Path of Light. Apparently the lesson for this week with ACIM is how to heal our relationships. We're to call on the Holy Spirit to assist with that. Well, this morning when the visiting priest spoke of the 72 being sent out he alluded to the Holy Spirit being involved in our relationships. He referenced the reading about dwelling with people who are at peace and that is exactly what ACIM referenced.

The priest also spoke of dusting off our feet and moving on if we found that we were not welcome. In a way that feeds into the 2nd of the Four Agreements- Don't take things personally. This morning I find myself angry, irritable, and discontent. I find that I have taken a lot of things personal over the years. I've allowed the dust to linger when it should have been knocked off my feet, so to speak. I have a lot of resentments coming to the surface, some are almost as old as I am. Those have to do with my mother and brother. Then there are other resentments that have only been forming for a short time. Those have to do with things that have happened over the last few months but are just as associated with the feelings I have toward my family or origin. I'm not sure what character defect is attached to them but I'd like to have it swiftly removed. I'm tired of toting it around.

You know I know what others say and do have nothing to do with me but I'm affected by their words and actions. I still react to things. I still have a lot of anger in me that I thought I had let go of. What I discovered is that I had only stuffed it. Today I'd like to explode and finally get it off my chest. But I don't want to damage the already shaky relationships that I have. Like I said I don't know what defect is attached to it but I'd really like it to go away now.