Your Daily E-Quiet Moment

Friday, April 25

FEAST OF ST. MARK
Do not fear, only believe.

MARK 5:36

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Each day is different and has a surprise in it, like a Cracker Jack box.
--Alpha English

It's interesting to ponder the notion of surprise. Not every one of them is all that welcome. Hearing bad news about a friend or having a special trip we'd been counting on canceled can leave us dismayed and worried, right along with surprised. Seeking solace from others while cultivating a willingness to accept that all things happen for a reason gives us the armor we need to make the best of every situation and disappointment.

It's an interesting image to think of each day as a box of Cracker Jacks. The moments of our lives have been very tasty. Some were sweet, some were a bit salty, and there were always wholly unexpected moments, the surprises that we were ready for even though we may not have imagined as much. We can look forward to the same daily agenda throughout the remaining years.

Does it help to know that there is a divine plan unfolding in our lives? Many of us find comfort in that. All of us can cultivate that belief.

I am ready for my surprise today! It is meant for me at this time.
From: Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey


I just finished watching "Ghost Whisperer". It was about a student who made horror movies called shock therapy. He believed that people needed to face their fears. It's more than synchronicity that my e-quiet moment is about fear. I have a lot of fears. Then I opened my reading from Hazelden and it spoke about surprises.

I remember dreaming about things that would happen to my brother. When we were children the crew cut was very popular for little boys. My brother had one. He was one of those kids with really blonde hair- almost white. I think they used to call them "onion heads". Wow! That's kind of ironic since my nickname from my mother is "onion in the onion patch". Any way I remember dreaming about these huge summo wrestlers who would split my brother from stem to stern. I think it was during the time of our molestation that I had these dreams. I don't really remember. Truthfully I didn't want to remember those days. I just knew that I liked to hide in closets.

Then when I entered into college, two of the kids from my graduating class died. One died of carbon monoxide poisoning. The other was murdered. I remember Cindy West talking about it and saying that the class of '83 was being killed off in alphabetical order. The first one was a Bassham and the second one was a Bradley. I remember dreaming about that when I got home. My last name was Hughey. I rode home from school with a girl whose last name was Fox, one whose last name was Griffin and a guy whose last name was Long. The four of us were at the front of the alphabet. I remember dreaming about something along the line of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only my characters were called "the Let Outs". They were a group of people who had been set loose from a mental ward or they had escaped. I remember having some pretty terrifying dreams. At any rate some others from our class died. Mark Cummins and Gary Duerchek. It's still the beginning of the alphabet. Then two years ago, Marie McGee died. I don't remember her married name.

Death doesn't scare me, dying does. I fear a violent death. There were times I thought I would die at my exhusband's hands. I can remember a few incidents where I would have welcomed death. I guess that makes me - I don't know the right word.

At any rate I faced some of my fears when I told my story the second time. I still have fears. It's not about being alone- I've always been alone. It's not about being unloved. It's apathy that I fear. That's why the silent treatment, or the cold shoulder, or even rejection hurt me so much. What hurts more is to have someone give you attention and then do the other. It's why I'm afraid of being loved or liked. I don't know how to react. I don't know when the other shoe will drop, you see.

I've been working on my muse, amuse, muse project and it's led me to John Crowe Ransom and The Fugitives. That in turn led me to the transcendentalist which puts me right back at the mystics. The basis of mysticism is the greatest gift of all- love. So, I'm wondering how my fear is going to feed into this. It's going to be an interesting journey.

I just wonder if my surprise is going to be that my fears are unfounded. Who knows? Maybe they are.