Does anyone out there have experience dealing with parents who have become more like the child? I have fought the truth for so long about Mom's situation but a little while I ago I saw it up close and personal. I arrived at 10:30 and here I am less than an hour later at home. I just couldn't bear to watch any longer. I also had a hard time with my autistic brother.

The handwriting is on the wall. Both of them will wind up in some sort of group home or assistive living situation. Thursday Mom and I will meet with one of her caseworkers. Her diagnosis was radically changed from just bi-polar to mentally retarded. I'm not sure how all of this came about and I've fought that diagnosis but today I could see where they came up with it.

Back up plan? I should have arranged to spend Christmas some place else but I thought I could get through this. Now I'm at home wishing I'd just stayed here. Or maybe I should have gone with my gut instinct and had the meal here in my own home.

I feel the need to invent a family of my own. It feels kind of lonely right now.

Since this morning a few things have happened. First I talked to my best friend about it and she pointed out to me the sad truth. This is probably the last Christmas I'll have with my mother and brother in her house. It's very clear that something will have to be done. She could have burned the house down today if I had not been there to intervene. And Barry is clearly not taking his medication properly. She also told me that God has blessed me with a replacement mother in Marian and possibly a replacement brother. She was referring to Mike but he clearly does not want another sister. So, I've adopted the deacon as my older brother. Coincidentally, his name is Mike.

Second, Lois called here to wish me a Merry Christmas. Truthfully I think she was looking for someone to spend time with. I understand being new in town. I understand being lonely but I think it's more than that. I don't think she likes her own company. I used to be like that. I sympathize but I'm not willing to subject myself to being ridiculed just so that she has some entertainment.

Third, my Uncle Arvil and his extended family visited Mom this afternoon. A cousin fixed their cable that I had been down there working on before my brother totally lost it. He told them the same thing I did- there's a cord missing. Of course, coming from Butch's mouth it is gospel but coming from mine it was ignored. That gets to me. The expectations of my mother's family are so great when it comes to what they think I ought to be doing. I've practically been disowned because I don't live up to their expectations. I get tired of being the bad guy.

I hate being at odds with people but in this case I think I'm going to have to let them think what they will. I'd never be able to change their opinion of me any way. It makes me a little sad to think I am so disliked. I kind of feel like a person without a country. It's kind of odd because I had just decided to print out the Chapman family tree. Now, I'm wondering if that is such a good idea.

The wonderful things is that I'm back home in my sanctuary and I am at peace with the world more or less. Isn't that all that matters?