I'm a towering enferno of emotions and not all of them are good. I've let things build up until I've been ready to explode. I lit into two members of my home group last night because I'm sick and tired of their behavior. I don't know why they bother showing up. They are more interested in hob nobbing with the AA members than they are an Al-Anon meeting.I exploded on them. I don't normally unleash my temper but I was so angry last night that I burst into tears. I have bottled too much resentment and anger up. It all came out last night.

On top of all that I'm worried about my best friend's health. Linda had a slight heart attack a few days ago. I'm so afraid I'll lose my sister. She's about the age my father was when he died from a massive heart attack. I guess I've put myself in her shoes when they aren't mine to wear but suddenly I was scared.

I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing by my bills. I'm going to have my friends- Vicki, Mary Jo and Lisa- completely paid off and I'm going to give some of the money I owe to my Aunt Nelle back this week. I'll have to nickle and dime the rest of the bill collectors because I decided to keep my truck.

I still have a large amount of guilt, shame and resentment about my biological family. I think it's the holidays starting this in me. I just wish I could turn back time to when I was a little more comfortable with my family even if I wasn't the healthiest person around.

I don't know. I see a lot of positive changes in myself but I also see a lot of things I've lost on the way to improving my serenity. I no longer feel as if I have friends in the recovery community. I feel so isolated and alone. What happened to all those people I knew and cared about? Why did they suddenly vanish into thin air? Maybe they weren't my friends after all.