I must be coming out of my depression because I'm beginning to reconnect with my Higher Power through the arts again. Today in my head I heard the words to "When You Love Someone." I'm not sure where my mind was going with that but it seems to follow the theme that began in mass on Sunday. I listened as the visiting priest explained what love and marriage was all about. I remember thinking that I never had what he was talking about. I tried to supply it from my end but I was never on the receiving end. I never felt loved or wanted, just needed.

Today I know what I want. I do want someone to spend my life with. But I don't want to be the person who always reaches out first and gives all the time. Today I want to be the person that is called first and receives love in return. Love isn't about things. It isn't about money. It's about wanting to be with the other person. It's about quality time apart and together.

I think I fell in love with love when I was younger. I chased after it. I stalked it. Today I wonder about the object of my affection but I do nothing to find out what is going on in his life because he doesn't inquire about mine. I tell myself that if he really cared about me in any way, he'd e-mail or call. I keep thinking maybe he will show up in Childersburg on November 7th to hear me speak. But I know that he won't. In fact, he may not even be aware that I am speaking.

I'm not sure why I love this man. I just know he has gotten under my skin. He irritates the life out of me and I like it. But I can't respond because I don't know what he wants. I can't be someone to be used again. I just won't allow myself to respond if that is the case. My heart wouldn't recover from a second relationship like that. The first time almost killed me.

When You Love Someone

As sung by Bryan Adams

When you love someone - you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone

You'll deny the truth - believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly
But your lonely nights - have just begun
When you love someone

When you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
And nothin' else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone...

When you love someone - you'll sacrifice
You'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice
You'd risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone