I just watched an old episode of Criminal Minds from season 2 called The Fisher King. I was only familiar with the movie by the same title that starred Robin Williams. I had no idea who or what the Fisher King really was until tonight.

The last line of the TV show prompted me to do a little research because it kind of pinpointed what I've been feeling lately. The quote was said by the character Spencer Reid but it is actually attributed to Rose Kennedy. "It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone."

In Arthurian legend the Fisher King was charged by God with guarding the Holy Grail, but later incurred some form of incapacitating physical punishment for his sin of pride and had to wait for someone to deliver him from his suffering. Most legends have his savior to be Percival, sometimes called "the fool", because he appears to be less than the other knights. However it is he, according to some legends, who actually discovers the correct cup "the Holy Grail" when he believes that the Fisher King might be thirsty and offers him something to drink. Pride is overcome by its opposite- humility.

The legend that the writers of Criminal Minds chose to refer to was the one that says Percival was to ask the Fisher King "Whom does the grail serve?". This was to lead the Fisher King to a realization of his own unworthiness and thereby heal his wounds and allow him to receive redemption. The question that the character Reid put to the unsub in this episode was along the same lines. "Can you forgive yourself?" Of course, the unsub in this case could not.

All of this got me to thinking about my Fourth Step Inventory. I've been thinking about it alot lately because Linda has asked me to tell my story November 7 in Childersburg. Today I learned that she has gotten Bo to agree to come record it. Wow! Now that kind of put me in another zone.

I used the character Don Quixote to help me do my Fourth Step Inventory. His quest reminded me of my own. At one time, I felt like I needed to become someone else in order to find out why I was here. What I discovered through my hero Don Quixote is that I'm okay just as I am. I don't need to become something or someone else in order to take this journey, go on this quest. The prize at the end of the quest or journey isn't the actual reward. The reward is the quest or journey itself.

I wasn't searching for forgiveness. And yet maybe I was. The research I did on-line referred me to a poem I remember liking when I was a teenager. The Waste Land by T. S. Eliot is supposed to somehow be tied into the legend of the Fisher King although I found no reference to it. What I did learn, and maybe this is why I liked it to begin with, is that the poem details the journey of the human soul searching for redemption. So, maybe it is about forgiveness after all.

I found some songs about time healing all wounds but the one that played in my head did not have the actual words about time or wounds healing. It was a Sawyer Brown song entitled, "Heart Don't Fall Now". As I looked over the lyrics it occurred to me that it was actually about wounds of the heart. And maybe, just maybe, that is what my journey has been about.

Heart Don't Fall Now

As sung by Sawyer Brown

Here [he] comes again, but me and you
We're gonna close the door
We won't let [him] in, we're not gonna do it, like we've done before
Stay here with me, keep a steady beat
But not to loud, [he] might be listening

Chorus
Oh heart, don't fall now
If you do I might never bring you back around
Heart take it slow, don't let [him] know
Just how much we really need [him] now
Heart, don't fall now

[He] can break me down but [he] won't get through
If you'll be on your guard, when [he] reaches out
Oh, I'm counting on you, not to fall apart
Here comes that touch
We've been missing for such a long, long time
I feel you giving in

Chorus

You'll pull it off some how
This can be our finest hour
Ah, heart without you
I might not get through it
Don't know if I can do it

Repeat Chorus Three Times