You know how a song just speaks to your mood. Well, here is mine....

Under Pressure

As sung by Queen

Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets

Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da - that's o.k.

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'

Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets
Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
O.k.

Chippin' around - kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours

Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap

People on streets - ee da de da de
People on streets - ee da de da de da de da

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming 'Let me out'

Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high
Pressure on people - people on streets
Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work

Keep coming up with love
but it's so slashed and torn
Why - why - why ?
Love love love love love

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance

Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love

'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And loves dares you to change our way of

Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

There is so much on my shoulders right now. I used to be the super responsible one. That "S" on my chest stood for Superwoman. Not any more. I don't seem to have that unnameable quality that lets me pull myself up by my boot straps and take charge. The caretaker has now become something else. I have to let go of all the things I used to take care of because I am now aware of just how powerless I am.

Case in point the co-pay for Mom's Medicaid Waiver. I never received a bill. I inquired about it lots of times but never got any kind of answer. I was told that the administration at Country Cottage didn't know what I was talking about and not to worry about it. Now comes a bill for 4 months worth of co-pay. I've been letting go of my own bills to keep both Mom and Barry up to date with the things they've needed. I would have paid this bill if I had gotten it. Hopefully something will give.

In the mean time I've got a new living situation for Barry. I can't make him do it but I'm being called on to manipulate him into accepting this. If he doesn't, my situation will get worse. Barry is dragging me down.