Life takes a lot of twists and turns. Or should I say that the path I chose takes a lot of twists and turns? I'm not sure. I just know that sometimes I sit back and look at the events going on around me and I think, "Now how did I get here?" I watch people. I no longer analyze why they do what they do but I find myself wondering if I fell down the rabbit's hole and landed in Wonderland. In recovery I've learned to look at my actions and reactions, to not do anyone else's inventory. So, rather than question them, I find myself thinking about what I need to do to make the most of it.

I've been watching Sober House the past few weeks. Andy Dick is one of the celebrities on the show. I find myself looking at him and thinking how much he looks like Mike. He's got some of the same mannerism. I've always heard we each had a twin out there somewhere. I think Andy is his. It's so cool. But I have to remind myself that this sensitive guy I'm seeing on TV may not be his real self and that though he looks like Mike, he isn't Mike. Shoot, I don't even know what my relationship is with Mike! Are we friends? I can't be sure. We don't do anything together. It's a bit onesided. I value him but I think he views me as an oddity. Oh, I guess it doesn't really matter.

I do wish I had a close friend though. I enjoy my own company but once in a while I'd like to do something with someone other than my brother. Barry drags me down a lot.