It was an unusual mass this morning. First, the deacon chose to read the long form of the gospel, including the brackets which he usually avoids. Then one of the servers fainted in the middle of the reading. It was ever so dramatic, if you're into that sort of thing. But it was the message that caught my attention. He simply asked, "Have you ever wondered why you are here?"

I used to obsess over just that very subject. Once I ventured to answer it in the presense of my ex and he told me that I was here to take care of him. You know, at one time I simply wanted to feel needed. I wished for it. I prayed for it. And that is what I got. Joey needed me but he did not want me or truly love me. I learned the hard way that to merely be needed isn't enough, nor is it what I'm here for. I used to think it was for my vocation that I was put here- that I had something to teach. What I discovered is that I have much to learn.

In my spiritual quest I learned that we are all put here to glorify God and to love one another. That is our main purpose. How we do these two things is strictly up to each of us. I think we're each here to teach and to learn how to do these two things but at some point in our lives we lose our focus. Sometimes we may not regain it. I hope that I'm on my way to gaining clearer focus. Otherwise, I have no idea why I'm really here.

The ebb and flow of life- the changes that come and go- are a mystery to me. Mom has received a letter from the Medicaid Waiver program stating that she owes over $1000 and has 30 days in which to pay it. We don't have that kind of money. I guess we'll be looking for her a new home or she'll come back here. It's too bad really. She had just gotten herself back after being lost for so long. And Barry was making a little more headway. I hope that I'm wrong about this. I just put it in God's hands and it will work out.