The topic for this week in the on-line Al-Anon group that I attend is "Growth". I was asked to do the Tuesday Focus on CAL (Conference Approved Literature).

Here is my entry for this week:

God sets the time table of my growth. And when I look back along the road I have traveled, my unfolding has always been timed perfectly. I have been given exactly what I needed at each stage.
How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics, p. 266, copyright 1995, Limited use with express written permission AFG, Inc.


Since this month began with Step 3 it dawned on me that change came when I altered my thinking about about my will vs. God's will. Growth. It all comes down to growth.

Then this song began to flow through my head. Actually there were two songs that sprang to mind. One was in reference to my place in the grand design. It is "Thank You World" by the Statler Brothers. The other one comes from Sounds of Serenity, Volume I, which was a major fundraiser for the Tennessee Al-Anon Convention several years ago.

The song from Sounds of Serenity means a lot to me because of who sings it and an experience that relates to that but it also seemed to fit the topic and the reading I chose. The song is called "Right on Time" and it is sung by a member of Al-Anon. If you were to hear the song you might be able to guess her identity. She has a very distinctive voice.

The experience I had was at the 2005 convention where I helped my district with registration. She not only sang the song during a portion of the convention, she also conducted a workshop. During the time I was there I forgot who she was in reference to her celebrity and only saw a fellow Al-Anon. I could relate to what she had to say in the workshop. The old me would have drawn attention to her and asked for an autograph, but I did not. In the closing moments of the convention when the delegation held hands in the prayer circle and did the Lord's Prayer, I wound up holding her hand and didn't know it was her until after it was over.

Wow! At that time I thought, "I've really grown!" How smug of me! That wasn't growth. That was practicing principles of the program. That was anonymity.

Growth came when I took myself (and others) out of the Godseat.


Here are the lyrics to that song:

Right on Time

It's not my nature to be patient
I jump every river I cross
Not one for followin' the sensible side
I can't count the times I've been lost

'Cause you can't see where you're goin' in the pourin' rain
When you're runnin' into walls, feelin' no pain
We owe our dues to the devil and I paid mine
Took a while to get here but I'm right on time

I don't regret a single moment
It's been one hell of a ride
But I count myself among the fortunate ones
I made it ot the other side

Yeah, you go what you go through to get where you are
Ain't it lucky for me I didn't go too far
I turned around before the end of the line
Took a while to get here but I'm right on time

You can't see where you're goin' in the pourin' rain
If you're runnin' into walls, feelin' no pain
We owe our dues to the devil
Yeah, I sure paid mine
Took a while to get here, but I'm right on time
Took a while to get here, but I'm right on time

Thanks for reading.

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Since this morning I've had a few that linger on the fringe of the recovery group e-mail me directly and ask how they can get a copy of the song or who sings it. I won't tell who sings it. I admire her ability but I also respect her anonymity. I sent a link to Recovery Radio for everyone to listen to it.

Something else happened today. It was a very serene day because Kim wasn't present. I hate to feel that way about a person but I really do not care for her that much. She's extremely judgmental and mixed with Controlzilla, it's almost unbearable in that classroom. There's too much competition going on in there. It's not brain surgery. These are kids with physical and mental disabilities. There should be no militant atmosphere. It should be more of a family atmosphere.

Ms. Bailey is going to turn out to be a major ally but it's not the same as the family atmosphere that used to existe between my friends and I at HPES. One of the ironies is that I think I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I'm just not so sure about the others. I think they are out of their depth. The other irony is that I seem to get along with everyone except those that I work directly with. I've been accommodating (the principal says I've been too accommodating)and still the tension remains. It's like what I lived through with my alcoholic. It's damned if I do and damned if I don't. Or in the words of the late Ricky Nelson- "You can't please everyone so you gotta please yourself..."

I'm at peace with myself so much that it scares me. I don't know that I've ever known this kind of peace and serenity. I keep waiting on the other shoe to drop and it hasn't thus far. I keep getting my mind set for the inevitable but when the time comes, things come out better than they should have. It feels weird. I'm not sure what to think or feel about the situation.

Another development is just how unimportant things seem to me that used to stress me out or cause me concern. Now, I pretty much look at things as if they will take care of themselves or I turn to my Higher Power for guidance and, lo and behold, it comes.

I feel that I'm a little closer to my Higher Power but miles away from human beings. While I'm content with my own company, I'm also a little lonely for human companionship. It would be nice to have someone pick up the telephone and call or drop by to visit. I have invited people over and seldom does anyone come by. I did most of the calling and seldom did anyone initiate a phone call. It gets tiresome because it feels so one sided. You know what I mean?