Last night I attended my first Ash Wednesday mass. I wasn't sure if I could take part in getting the ashes put on my forehead but the deacon told me that I could. I like what I heard in reference to Lent. I'm not so sure about meatless meals. I don't know if I'm supposed to do that every day or only on Fridays. I'm also not sure how a diabetic does fasting. I'd love input on that.

Dennis sat with me for the first time last night. I'm not sure what that means except that I have his encouragement and support. He's the only recovery buddy from Pulaski that does support this transformation. Maybe it's because we've talked about it in reference to the things that have been happening to me. I don't know.

I thought last night would be the end of the RCIA classes since we go to St. Henry's for the Rite of the Elect on Sunday. But the deacon says that he'd like to continue with them right up until Holy Week. After that he thinks we still need to meet once a month for a while. I don't know if he's offered that to the others or not. I'm pretty sure he did not suggest that they get a Liturgy of the Hours like he suggested to me.

I had discussed some of this with my Awakenings friend Jay, who is a cradle Catholic, and he asked me if Deacon Mike was charismatic. I had no idea what he meant. So, I asked the deacon. I told him what I thought it meant in reference to personalities and he explained what it meant in reference to faith. He is, in deed, a member of the charismatic movement. I think that's pretty cool.

I've been reading more and more about mysticism and I really do think this is the path I am supposed to be on. It just feels right.

I prayed for peace and love this morning. I tossed and turned all night because of the disturbance brought on by this new assistant. I was up before 4:00 this morning because I could not sleep any longer. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a few things for the classroom. I wound up spending too much money- but things are so expensive. I went into school early- I deactivated the alarm system- and rearranged part of my classroom. I needed to work off some of my aggression. I was still angry when Missie arrived to wait for Logan. I don't know why I vented to her. I guess I saw a kindred spirit. I may be fooled. Right now my prayer is that I find a friend in this faculty or staff. I really don't think it will come within my classroom. That's really a shame because that room could become a family.

Kim's asking a lot of personal questions. I answer with a lot of "yes" and "no" answers. When I venture a short response beyond that she will say something like, "I didn't know that about you." Well, shoot! It's none of her business. Is she writing a book about me? I will tell you that she either overheard my conversation with the principal yesterday or Jennifer gave her a good talking to because her attitude was a lot different this morning. When she looked as if she was going to start that nonsense, I dropped the bomb. I told all of them that one of those inservice days was going to be used as a staffing so that I could go over the evaluation process with them because it would be me rather than the principal that would evaluate them. You should have seen the look on her face. Her attitude did a 360. She only wants to work with Kristopher, the easiest of all the kids. I informed her this morning that she would have to help with all of them. When she tried to manipulate me with a planned schedule for Kristopher, I counteracted with a schedule for Daniel and Taylor- that was God inspired. I had this thought pop into my head about learning the recess and AR schedule of Mrs. Bailey and Mrs. Simpson, my newest allies in the school. Then, later when Kim tried to get out of bathroom duty, Jenniefer cornered her about it. She's in for a rude awakening.

The icing on the cake was when Amy, who is thankfully going back to Maury County after next week, came into the classroom to reminisce about our experiences at Highland Park. All three of the assistants- Jennifer, Kim and Stephanie- stopped talking to listen. It was when my vast experience came out and they had to take notes. I think they are about to get better educated in Yolanda 101.