Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Only when we humbly ask for help are we ready to receive it.

On occasion, our problems seem overwhelming, and we don't know where to turn. Our job is stressful. Our health is failing. But many of us face no truly threatening situations, and we still have problems. Being alive, being human, means having experiences that trouble us.

It's hard to ask for help when we are in a troubling situation because we fear that means we are inadequate. After all, we are grown men and women who have taken care of others and ourselves for years. We don't have the wisdom to handle every situation, and yet we think we should. Seeking guidance from friends, sponsors, and our Higher Power gets easier with practice. Asking for help is a learned behavior. And practice we must!

But just as important as the seeking is the receiving. Are we actually open to the wisdom offered? Do we want it badly enough to truly listen to the guidance?

I will open my heart to God's wisdom today and find help for whatever troubles me.

Source: A Life of My Own by Karen Casey


It's interesting that today's Hazelden reading deals with humility because that seems to be the topic on my mind this week. It was the topic that I was lead to when trying to think of something to chair on this week in my Al-Anon group and it was the point of discussion in my RCIA class yesterday with the deacon.

I'm still very much a work in progress. I didn't get sick over night and it takes time to fully evolve into the person God intends me to be.

I'm in the final count down with portfolios. They're due Feb. 1 and they are nowhere near finished. I brought them home last weekend and didn't touch them. I knew I wouldn't. Luckily I work at the library on Saturday. I'll take them with me and force myself to work on them.

I'm also being stretched thin with an upcoming decision about finances. I really wish I had an objective person to talk to about them. I need some input. I'll bring it up with my therapist today. Maybe Melanie can help me.

I've made another new friend in the on-line Al-Anon group. I'm not sure what I said to snare Jay but he seems to be a kindred spirit. Beverley has turned out to be one, too. The others that e-mail me in side shares are also nice but not really on the same wave length.

Okay, so I went to my therapy session today with Melanie and we talked about some of the things that I've been thinking about. She assures me that I'm not mentally ill and that these really weird experiences that I am having are some sort of spiritual awakening.

We discussed my role in Al-Anon and how disgusted I am with the recovery community. I really think for the benefit of the Al-Anon members the meetings should take place some place else because our anonymity is just as vital as that of the NA and AA members. Right now all the boundaries are gone. We are just as sick as when we came in. We do not know where we stop and the AA group begins. I also think I've grown beyond what there is in this group. I don't want to be a leader of it. I want to be able to sit among people who are traveling the same road. That's not possible here.

I also talked about the financial stuff going on with me. Right now I do not see any other solution to my money problems other than letting my truck go. As long as I have it, I will not be able to get caught up on all the other bills that I've been ignoring. It is like I went backwards in my recovery with the money problems. I am not reliable any more. I'd feel better if I could get myself back on an even keel. Some of my independence will go out the window but I think I'll be able to maintain a portion of it. I just need to figure out my transportation to church. I believe I'll have help there.