I've been thinking a lot about the situations going on around me. Some things were a temptation for reacting. But I chose to remember #2 of the Four Agreements-"Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is them." Rather than reacting, I chose to look at myself rather than others.

I discussed this with my therapist yesterday and with the deacon on Wednesday. There is a God and I ain't it. I am not more important or less important than anyone else. I alone and responsible for my actions. I will have to answer for them and I stand to take credit for them as well. Why am I so apt to assume guilt or shame for things I've done wrong but unwilling to accept a compliment? What's up with that? And why am I so convinced that I alone am responsible when things go wrong?

The flip side to that same coin is that my actions are no one else's business. As long as I am not doing harm to myself or others what I do is my own affair. Of course, it would make more sense for people to be dipping into my Kool-aid if I was actually doing something note worthy but as I am not, it seems like a senseless thing to worry about. The point is that I should be okay with myself enough not to worry about what others think. Opinions are like belly buttons- we all have one.

The other thing that occurred to me is that I really do not like being in a leadership role of any kind. It's uncomfortable for me. It reactivates some of my defects. The therapist and I talked about that yesterday. Defects are coping skills (assets) that have gone amok. At any rate I found myself sick again and insane. I really don't want to go back there.

I'm basically content with myself and my life right now. I'm at peace and I'd like to keep it that way. I realize that there will be times when my serenity is disturbed but I do have control over how I react to situations. Therefore, I can ultimately decide how long my serenity is disrupted. My greatest tool is to merely turn such problems over to God. He knows the answers, I don't. As long as I remember Who is ultimately in control I am okay. Besides, I was reminded just now as I read in my CAL that "hurt people, hurt people." I don't have to continue to be hurt by something or someone. I can let it go. In doing that, I break the cycle.