Just for today...

Breathe deep. Talk slow.
Walk soft. Let go.
Give big. Take less.
Don't count- just guess.
Fix old. Learn new.
Hear clear. Tell true.
Look wise. Think long.
Laugh loud. Sing strong.
Be kind. Act fair.
Plan bold. Try prayer.
Do peace. Dream far.
Feel loved. You are!

This is the message on my perpetual calendar this morning. Appropriate, don't you think? To me it sort of summarizes the holiday season. It's not about what you get, it's what you give. It's not about the gifts, it's about why we celebrate Christmas. We're honoring the birth of our savior. To me the best way to do that is to emmulate Him.

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Some Children See Him

As sung by James Taylor

Some children see Him lily white,
The baby Jesus born this night.
Some children see Him lily white,
With tresses soft and fair.
Some children see Him bronzed and brown,
The Lord of heav'n to earth come down.
Some children see Him bronzed and brown,
With dark and heavy hair.

Some children see Him almond-eyed,
This Savior whom we kneel beside.
Some children see Him almond-eyed,
With skin of yellow hue.
Some children see Him dark as they,
Sweet Mary's Son to whom we pray.
Some children see him dark as they,
And, ah! they love Him, too!

The children in each different place
Will see the baby Jesus' face
Like theirs, but bright with heavenly grace,
And filled with holy light.
O lay aside each earthly thing
And with thy heart as offering,
Come worship now the infant King.
'Tis love that's born tonight!

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Open the Eyes to my Heart

As sung by Michael W. Smith

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

(Repeat two more times)

Holy, holy, holy
We cry holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to see you

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy,
I want to see you
(Repeat five more times)


I just finished watching CMT's 20 Greatest Songs of Faith. It was an awesome program. I just wish that there had been less talking and more singing. It reminded me of my childhood. Daddy was particularly into music and exposed to every genre that there was. We went to gospel singings every chance we got. I remember going to see the Seago Brothers and Naomi. The song I remember most of theirs was "Looking for a City." Years later it would be sung at East Hill Church of Christ. I remember that only two of us stepped up to sing it when the song leader introduced it- myself and the preacher's wife. I remember watching the Gospel Jubilee on Sunday mornings while getting ready for church. My favorite song was, "Swing Low" and I knew all the words. I especially loved it when my father chimed in with me. He had a beautiful bass voice.

Is it any wonder that my Higher Power speaks to me in music, poetry and other artistic expression? It is how He spoke to me in my youth. It is what I understand.

There's another thing I thought of in reference to the two songs. God's been really telling me for more than a year that He is in everyone I meet. He tells me that I must accept myself, love myself, so that I may love and accept others.

Last night Linda and I spoke about what I had inherited from my mother, the parent I considered the weaker vessel. My father was extremely prejudice and judgmental. Mom to a certain degree could be judgmental but generally it was not about what others would think of me but that I was not living up to my potential. Mom has always accepted people for who they are- black, white, yellow, red, Muslim, Buddist, Catholic, Baptist, sexual orientation,disability, etc. Mom never looked at the outside. She always looked beyond it to what was in the heart. She always told me that it was what was on the inside that mattered. Linda says that is the greatest gift that I inherited from my mother.

My mother has recently been diagnosed as mentally retarded. Her physical ailments and over medication have taken their toll on her. Now those who are able to place labels on others have given her this label. It was my job last year to break it to her. I have never had such a heart wrenching job to do. It almost killed me and it hurt her feelings tremendously. In the next few days a caseworker from Nashville will attempt to convince my mother that she needs to go live in a group home with mentally retarded women or work in a sheltered workshop with other mentally retarded people. It will be another nail in her coffin. It scares me so. Thankfully it will come after Christmas. Only I know what is to come and it puts such a damper on the holidays but it makes me more inclined than ever to try to make it through a holiday in her home. I spent roughly two hours down there Thanksgiving and I'm going to try to stretch it even further.

Tonight Elyce called with more talk of Calvin this and Calvin that. I talked her down. We got the focus back on her. But it brought of memories of the me that I was that I would rather have not revisited. My anger and the things I did in my anger came to the forefront. My codependence and the things I did to fill that God-shaped hole were also brought to mind. My tears and the depression that I've felt as a result of these things also were remembered. Rather than feel shame and guilt for my past behavior I choose to be grateful that I am in a better place. I have been making amends in the best way that I know how.

Shift gears- I bought a very cheap DVD player last week for myself for Christmas. I had not gotten it out of the box because I thought about returning it. But when I went to look in the bag I realized that I had not saved my receipt and would be unable to return it. Perhaps God is telling me that I deserved the present. It's not the same VCR/DVD combination that I was force to pawn but it is a means for me to watch DVDs. Returning it might net me a few bucks but they wouldn't stretch very far. I won't fill guilty for purchasing it.