Saturday I was pulled in so many directions mentally. My heart was really in Alabama with my best friend. She was going to meet with her foster parents for the first time in years. She was afraid that they would cancel on her at the last minute. She wanted her foster mother to sign on as the first executrix to her will and she wanted to hear that she would take care of her after her surgeries. She was also taking the new love in her life to meet them. My presence was not needed.

I also felt pulled in the direction of my biological family. Mom has furniture that needs to be taken off. It's sitting on her front porch and the curb. The problem was that I did not know where the city dump was. I had received three different set of directions. Mom and I went in search of it but never found it. Yesterday Ruby showed me where it was. It turns out that it is only open on Friday from 8 A.M- 11 A.M. It also cost $22 per ton to leave things there. I could not have helped Mom any way.

I had also promised George that I would work all day at the library. I needed to fulfill that obligation as I'd bailed on him two Saturdays in a row.

So, on Saturday I got up bright and early went to the laundry mat, did my clothes, forgot to take my medication and went window shopping before I went to the library. At the library I had 4 specific goals. I was to work on Linda's Christmas present, find the author of a particular book for her, research part of Carrie's family tree and try to locate the books that the Deacon had suggested I read. Well, I spent from 10-2:30 working on Linda's present- a scrap book. I didn't eat lunch and wasn't hungry. I was so focused on what I was doing that time flew by. Once I had finished her twisted scrap book, I went to locate the author for her so that I could e-mail it to her, found the two of the books that the deacon recommended and found a few things on Carrie's family. Afterward I picked up Mom, tried to locate the dump and treated her to dinner at Reeves'. When I got home I read all of the ESH that I had received from the online Al-Anon group I attend, called Marian to tell her my decision about my home group, called Jane and did the same, tried to locate Linda, worried over her, returned Elyce's call and finally got to talk to Linda. Afterward's I made arrangements to spend Sunday with Ruby.

Sunday was equally busy. I went shopping for groceries around 7:30, put them up, went to church, picked up Ruby afterwards, went to lunch at Pizza Hut, found the county dump, drove to Lawrenceburg, bumped into Aunt Mary at Good Will, drove through Davy Crockett Park, went to Wal-Mart so that Ruby could buy a toaster, and returned to the Betterway House to await our Al-Anon meeting. I ignored quite a few AA members and maintained my serenity. After all of that I came home and called Mom about the dump and checked on Linda.

I have a life! Wow!

I awoke this morning with a song in my head. Don't know why but I'm including it here.


I'm Like A Bird

As sung by Nelly Furtado

You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

[Chorus:]
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is
(and baby all I need for you to know is)
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is
All I need for you to know is

Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don't know me that well
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

[Chorus]

It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey I'm just scared
That we may fall through

[Chorus x 3]

Well, today I learned that Q's mother has a warrant out for her arrest. She has two hearings- one in Tennessee and one in Alabama. One of her sister's has power of attorney over Q and one of the other brothers. The smaller two are with their father in Florida. He was without medication all weekend and was pretty squirely today. I have some new bruises from being bitten, pinched, kicked and hit. I watched his face change as each personality came out of the wood work. Bless his heart he is in so much pain. I feel like I've had a wasted day. Jennifer had to feed all three wheel chair bound children today because I was tied up with Q.

But today gave me a little more clarity about the assignment that the deacon gave me. I think I was given the gift of discernment when I asked God to allow me to see and hear people through His eyes and ears. My perceptive nature and intuitiveness also falls in line with this gift. Possibly my analytical nature does too. I also looked in the Catechisms and found 3 gifts listed. They are wisdom, faith and discernment. I agree with the faith- I think I acquired that one this summer. But I think I lean more toward knowledge than I do wisdom. I really am unsure of what the difference between the two gifts is. The deacon may be able to give me clarity on that. I would add to this the gift of love. I was also able to identify which of the fruits of the spirts I have as a result- peace and joy. My greatest virtue is prudence.