I've got a lot to do today. Some of it revolves around my brother. Ugh! Oh, it's not that I don't love my brother. It's just that most of my life has revolved around him or my mother in one way or another. It's just since I came into Al-Anon 4 years ago that I feel that I have my own identity. I'm not willing to give it up. You know what I mean? Boundaries were very hard to set with these two. I've had to have some very rigid ones in these last few years. But maybe it's time to relax them a bit.

Any way, Barry has to cash his weekly allowance check and get his hair cut today. He'll have to cash it before I go to work at the library. I mistakenly thought Tom and Marian's anniversary celebration was today and rearranged my work schedule last week with George. So, I'm working from 10-1 today. Barry will have to get his hair cut after I leave the library at 1:00.

I got all sorts of things screwed up with that anniversary celebration. First I had the wrong night and then I had the wrong time. Not like me to turn things around so badly. I'm lucky I knew what my name was last night. Not sure what caused all that. I'm willing to blame it on the holidays and a full moon.

The celebration was nice. I think I was assigned to Andy last night but I might be mistaken. He might have just been introduced because of our mutual interest in genealogy but he did manage to put a name with most of the faces at the gathering. Of course, by the time I sat down with the Monday morning Al-Anon group who attended, I had forgotten the names. I had to ask Mike to tell Jean who most of them were. Forgetting name wasn't anything new. Candy from that Monday morning group couldn't remember mine. I told her that I was Yo. Diane elaborated by saying that I was Yolanda. And Mike told her that it was actually that the word "crazy" should be put in front to Yo. Not sure what he meant by that but I choose to see myself as neurotic rather than crazy. Not much difference but it makes me feel better. I'm less harmful that way.

You know it was nice to have Al-Anon so represented last night. I think Marian is like myself- she's burnt out and feels like she doesn't matter to her own home group. And yet, they showed up in force. Jane was there from the Sunday and Tuesday night group. Susan E. was there from Lewisburg with her new boyfriend, Ronnie, in tow. It was kind of surprising that Jerry and Patty did not show after he made such a big to do over it when she mentioned it. But you know what? I'm glad. I can't explain my feelings about that other than it feels like he has the need to be apart or one up me in everything I'm involved with. Doesn't make sense. He's married now. Oh, well. I don't care. I march to my own drummer. If anyone can keep up more power to them.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Tom wound up at our table for a little while. He asked me if I was going to talk. For once I didn't have anything to say. I was just soaking up on the atmosphere. That sense of family togetherness and love isn't something I experience in my own family. So, it's nice when I come in contact with it.

I left around 8:30. When I made my way over to Marian she actually apologized for not spending more time with me. Me? This night was about her, not me. She told me that I was an angel. An angel? Me? I had to tell her that if I had a halo there were horns holding it up.

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Well, my day began with the best of intentions and then I had a flat tire while on my way to pick up Barry. The battery on my cell phone was low. I thought to call George but didn't have his number. I called Mom and had her look it up. He wasn't home. Then this thought hit me, "Dummy, you're just down from the church. Call Deacon Mike." I didn't have his number. I had to call Mom and have her look it up. He came immediately and changed my tire. Of course, I also got a lecture about letting my tread get so thread bare. But it was worth it.

I watched several trucks and cars whiz by me. None stopped. A cop was in the parking lot across from me and he didn't come to see what the problem was either. I thought that was pretty low. Once again it hit home that I have no one to call in case of emergency. Maybe it's time to start collecting phone numbers of church members. I don't know.

At any rate getting the tire situation fixed depleated my bank account. Pay day isn't until Dec. 15. It's going to be a long 2 weeks.