It's hard to live in the moment. I keep beating myself up for quitting that job even though I was spending more to get to and from than I was bringing in in addition to gearing up for a nervous breakdown. I have to tell myself every so often during the day that I'm really doing fine. I have money in the bank, I'm almost finished with my master's degree, I'm living in a way better place than I was the past five years, etc. The problem is that I feel so alone. I am alone. I'm alone most of the day. This is one of the reasons I joined the YMCA. It's also the reason I volunteered to work at the Maury County Archives today. I'm hoping to worm my way into a paid position or at least gain some more experience to help me get a paying gig further down the line at another location.

Oh, I don't know what I want or what would make me happy. I just know that I'm not happy. Thankfully next week I will be back under the care of Centerstone. I'd like someone to tell me what is wrong with me. I don't feel right somehow. I thought about it today and I wonder if I'm just going through some awful grief process. Maybe I just need to have a good cry. Wish I knew. Wish I had someone to talk to that wouldn't judge me.