My sense of the conscious contact with a Higher Power described in Step Eleven has changed over time. Sometimes my contact seems to come from a place many call intuition, with which I make choices based on a strong feeling or hunch. Sometimes my contact comes from a source that doesn't necessarily feel rational, explainable, or contained by thoughts and words. Many times the seemingly random suggestions and answers that come to me from my Higher Power don't have an obvious source at all.
Hope for Today, p. 93, copy right 2002, Limited use with express written permission, AFG, Inc.


A few years back I wound up in therapy with the same couselor that my ex and I had gone to for marriage counseling. It was an odd experience with this woman. During the time I knew her as a marriage counselor she did some very unorthodox things. For example, after the first and only session with my husband in attendence, she called me on the telephone and told me to get out of that marriage. She had seen my husband's true colors.

Of course, I ignored the woman's advice and tried to succeed in something that was meant for failure. When I wound up in her care later when my nerves were raw and I was falling apart I wasn't sure whether she was right for me. I talked about everything except what I had come to her for. I'm pretty sure she saw through me. Her Higher Power was probably guiding her, too.

The one thing I got out of those sessions was a little more self-esteem. She encouraged me to trust my instincts, my intuition. She told me to just step out on faith and go with what my perception was telling me no matter how crazy it seemed. She also dismissed me from her services, saying that I no longer needed her.

Needless to say, my world got really crazy after that. Obstacles of every imaginable kind rose up in my path. Some came in the form of my profession, where I told the principal what she could do with my teaching job. Some came in the form of transportation falling apart. Others came in the form of people and my reaction to them.

I know now that the obstacles came because I was being pulled closer to my Higher Power. Some obstacles were of my own making because I fought what my intuition was telling me. I wasn't ready to step out in faith.

Last year that all changed. Yes, I am in therapy again with a different counselor but she helps me to keep my focus and provides some balance to my crazy world. She, too, believes that I do not need her services but I disagree.

Just as the reading I chose today, I am sent into some bizarre places when I follow my intuition. Sometimes the things that come to me as guidance make absolutely no sense at all and I think that I'm going crazy. With a family history of mental illness I really do worry about my sanity. So, I need people to help me make sense of what my perception tells me.

I read a lot. I've stumbled onto books, or been led to them, that show people who have experienced the same phenomenon that I have. I don't feel so odd any more. But I will say that it is hard not to jump in and show others the light or to steer them in a particular way because I can see that they are heading for disaster. I have to remember that they may be just as hard headed as I am. Perhaps their Higher Power intends for them to struggle a little, just as I did, so that they will be moved to ask for help.